I've just realized it's been about a month since I've written here; work has been incredibly busy and it seems like everything has become a lot more hectic this last month. I've had ideas of things I wanted to write in my head, but no chance to actually write them out. At this exact moment, I find myself unsure of what to write. I'm feeling very stressed, and am trying hard to pray and be confident that there's a plan for me and I will discover it soon, but it's definitely been difficult. I've been looking for jobs, but am having a hard time discerning what my next step should be. I'm looking for full-time work, but am starting to look into the idea of just moving somewhere and finding a job to support myself until I can find something more permanent. Since currently I know six other people with my same skill set who are also looking for jobs, and none of them have had any success, I'm finding it difficult to be optimistic about the possibilities, but we'll see. I just had a good talk with my friend Jenn, who has been a huge support to me this season, and even though she's in the same position I am, she is still maintaining a great attitude about it. So it's definitely been helpful to have her here!
I've been struggling with several different things this season. Some of them are personal/health related, so I won't really go into too much detail here, but a lot of them have been work related. I'm having a very difficult time this season, for several reasons, most of them aren't actually work issues but more interpersonal issues. But I finally realized, after much thought about what's going wrong and why I feel so alienated, that God is working to refine me. I was trying to figure out a way to help some other people but was failing miserably, and then it occurred to me - maybe the plan for me to be here now is not entirely because I'm supposed to help others (although, obviously, that's something that I would like to try to do regardless), but because God wanted to teach me some things about who I really am. It's been eye-opening and somewhat disconcerting, but I'm hoping that I'm learning what I'm supposed to be learning. It definitely has not been easy, and I would really like to move on come May (when my contract is up), but I guess I'll just have to see what happens.
There have been some really positive things happening. The green is finally out, and camp is gorgeous! The weather has been absolutely fantastic - perhaps a little warmer than usual, but the sunshine is still just as nice - so working outside is now a lot easier. I know it doesn't seem like much, but when 14 hours of your day are spent outside, it's nice to finally not have any rain or tornado warnings! So yay for that!
I'm sure I had more to write, but I'm still a bit scattered and still a bit stressed, so I am going to stop here and compose my thoughts. Hopefully my next post will be slightly more cohesive!
