Less than a month after getting engaged (pictures to come!), I think I have become incredibly overwhelmed with all the planning involved in putting together a wedding! Granted, I have a whole year to plan, but D and I have been brainstorming and I really want to get things started so as to avoid as much "last-minute" stress as possible. And it's a good thing, I think, because in the last few weeks I have learned so much! After perusing a few wedding magazines and wedding planning books (D being incredibly patient while I sat for three hours in the wedding section of Barnes & Noble), it seems that most people spend all their engagement time preparing for the wedding itself, not for marriage! Fortunately, D and I wanted a longer engagement to prepare ourselves emotionally to be husband and wife, to work on all the little quirks that come up now and then, and we really want to use this time to sort out as much as possible. This will be very helpful as my brother-in-law, who is going to officiate the ceremony, wants to do pre-marital counseling with us. We're getting some books that bring up a lot of issues that come up in marriage, and D and I will answer the questions separately and then compare, to learn what kind of things we agree on and what we need to figure out. Michael will be helping us with this, which will be very cool since he's been married for over ten years (to an incredibly awesome woman, I might add). Also, Erin and Michael got us companion books - A Wife After God's Own Heart and A Husband After God's Own Heart, which we're going to read to prepare for the spiritual side of marriage. Anyway, this has nothing to do with the title of my post, but the point is that these are the main things I want to work on during the engagement period. But alas, a wedding must also be planned, and D and I are both rather excited by the prospect - as long as it doesn't consume all of our engagement time! It's been really fun brainstorming with him, but the other day I took on the one task that he cannot help me with: finding a wedding dress.
Now I'll be honest; I've wanted to try on wedding dresses since I was old enough to know what a wedding dress was. I've daydreamed about the "perfect" dress for years. So even though I have plenty of time to find "the one", I took advantage of a family gathering in Atlanta to have my mom and my sister (matron of honor) to accompany me to the bridal shop to try on dresses. I imagined looking through racks and racks of beautiful gowns at a leisurely pace, trying on some beautiful dresses and also one or two silly, puffy ones for fun photo ops. But when I walked into the store, it was not at all like I imagined. First I had to register and give up all the information about my wedding and every detail of my life. Then I had to select the dresses in a timely manner so I could meet with my consultant. We looked through the racks in my size - all the dresses sealed in plastic bags, making it difficult to actually gauge the quality or appearance of the dress - and picked out 12 to try on. Then we were informed that we could only try on three at the moment, because that's all that would fit in the dressing room. We brought all of them with us, anyway, and after waiting around for our consultant (and being reminded several times by the employees that it's easier to make an appointment first), I got to try on the first of my dresses.
It was a whirlwind of activity, trying on dresses, with my consultant running around to pick out the perfect veil, bra, hair clip, etc. to try to sell me more. Instead of standing and gazing in a mirror for a few minutes to determine if I liked it, I was asked immediately if that was "it" or not, and I felt very rushed. Not to mention, crowded. Many other brides-to-be shared the dressing rooms around me, and while I liked trying on pretty dresses, I hated the "stock" feel of the entire experience. It wasn't at all the "special" experience that I envisioned, with random people wandering by and children running through while I'm trying to decide on the "perfect" dress. My consultant and several others said all the "right" things to say to a bride-to-be, playing on emotions, suggesting alterations to be made and accessories to add, etc. But it felt very commercial, and very unlike the style D & I are striving for with our wedding. Even when I found the dress that I thought could be "the one," I wasn't entirely comfortable with it. Fortunately, I had made a decision to not buy a dress at all, just to browse, and this was especially helpful after I looked at the price tags! And then it all just hit me at once - this is a business, and industry - not the special, once-in-a-lifetime experience I had been hoping for. And reflecting on all the magazines and books I've seen, it's all the same thing. Nothing seems to be standing out, from bridesmaid dresses to favors to invitations - it all seems so commercial and so unlike the personality that D and I envisioned. I left just feeling overwhelmed, and the entire "wedding" idea became every energy-sucking.
Then a fantastic thing happened - my mom offered to make my wedding dress! I had been afraid to ask because I didn't want to stress her out, but she really wanted to do it and it would be absolutely perfect for the theme of the wedding! I guess I should explain, D and I really want a wedding that highlights our friends and family, so the idea is to have them be involved as much as possible. Having strangers contribute seems a little strange to both of us, even though we know there will be times when that's necessary, but we want to involve and honor everyone we love. And the wedding dress should be no exception! My mom is excellent at sewing, and made the majority of my formal dresses for proms & homecomings in high school. So we went to JoAnn's, picked out a pattern, and bought some scrap fabric to make a sample dress out of. Basically the idea is to re-create the $600 dress I saw at the bridal shop and loved for MUCH less, and make it more tailored to my style. This way I can get the exact fabric that I want, the exact style, and it is made specifically for my body! I'm really excited about it. My mom has also offered to make the bridesmaid dresses, which I'm really starting to like as well. I've already found some cute patterns that would be perfect and (hopefully) flattering for my three favorite ladies!
Anyway, this is long and rambling, but the point is that I was really overwhelmed with the whole commercial feel of weddings and the impersonal feel of it all. I am completely amazed by all the options, and at the price of it all! Fortunately, I have an awesome fiance who is keeping me grounded, reminding me of our vision (so I don't end up with a puffy Cinderella dress and getting married in a grand ballroom because I've gotten so carried away!). He is incredibly helpful. I am also blessed with a great family who is supporting me in this whole process, offering their skills, talents, and suggestions, and it's making it a lot more enjoyable and a lot less overwhelming! Thank God for all of this, because I strongly believe that the wedding, while important, shouldn't be the all-consuming focal point, and I really need people to remind me of that as I get bombarded with all these crazy advertisements and magazines and all that insanity!
Now I'll be honest; I've wanted to try on wedding dresses since I was old enough to know what a wedding dress was. I've daydreamed about the "perfect" dress for years. So even though I have plenty of time to find "the one", I took advantage of a family gathering in Atlanta to have my mom and my sister (matron of honor) to accompany me to the bridal shop to try on dresses. I imagined looking through racks and racks of beautiful gowns at a leisurely pace, trying on some beautiful dresses and also one or two silly, puffy ones for fun photo ops. But when I walked into the store, it was not at all like I imagined. First I had to register and give up all the information about my wedding and every detail of my life. Then I had to select the dresses in a timely manner so I could meet with my consultant. We looked through the racks in my size - all the dresses sealed in plastic bags, making it difficult to actually gauge the quality or appearance of the dress - and picked out 12 to try on. Then we were informed that we could only try on three at the moment, because that's all that would fit in the dressing room. We brought all of them with us, anyway, and after waiting around for our consultant (and being reminded several times by the employees that it's easier to make an appointment first), I got to try on the first of my dresses.
It was a whirlwind of activity, trying on dresses, with my consultant running around to pick out the perfect veil, bra, hair clip, etc. to try to sell me more. Instead of standing and gazing in a mirror for a few minutes to determine if I liked it, I was asked immediately if that was "it" or not, and I felt very rushed. Not to mention, crowded. Many other brides-to-be shared the dressing rooms around me, and while I liked trying on pretty dresses, I hated the "stock" feel of the entire experience. It wasn't at all the "special" experience that I envisioned, with random people wandering by and children running through while I'm trying to decide on the "perfect" dress. My consultant and several others said all the "right" things to say to a bride-to-be, playing on emotions, suggesting alterations to be made and accessories to add, etc. But it felt very commercial, and very unlike the style D & I are striving for with our wedding. Even when I found the dress that I thought could be "the one," I wasn't entirely comfortable with it. Fortunately, I had made a decision to not buy a dress at all, just to browse, and this was especially helpful after I looked at the price tags! And then it all just hit me at once - this is a business, and industry - not the special, once-in-a-lifetime experience I had been hoping for. And reflecting on all the magazines and books I've seen, it's all the same thing. Nothing seems to be standing out, from bridesmaid dresses to favors to invitations - it all seems so commercial and so unlike the personality that D and I envisioned. I left just feeling overwhelmed, and the entire "wedding" idea became every energy-sucking.
Then a fantastic thing happened - my mom offered to make my wedding dress! I had been afraid to ask because I didn't want to stress her out, but she really wanted to do it and it would be absolutely perfect for the theme of the wedding! I guess I should explain, D and I really want a wedding that highlights our friends and family, so the idea is to have them be involved as much as possible. Having strangers contribute seems a little strange to both of us, even though we know there will be times when that's necessary, but we want to involve and honor everyone we love. And the wedding dress should be no exception! My mom is excellent at sewing, and made the majority of my formal dresses for proms & homecomings in high school. So we went to JoAnn's, picked out a pattern, and bought some scrap fabric to make a sample dress out of. Basically the idea is to re-create the $600 dress I saw at the bridal shop and loved for MUCH less, and make it more tailored to my style. This way I can get the exact fabric that I want, the exact style, and it is made specifically for my body! I'm really excited about it. My mom has also offered to make the bridesmaid dresses, which I'm really starting to like as well. I've already found some cute patterns that would be perfect and (hopefully) flattering for my three favorite ladies!
Anyway, this is long and rambling, but the point is that I was really overwhelmed with the whole commercial feel of weddings and the impersonal feel of it all. I am completely amazed by all the options, and at the price of it all! Fortunately, I have an awesome fiance who is keeping me grounded, reminding me of our vision (so I don't end up with a puffy Cinderella dress and getting married in a grand ballroom because I've gotten so carried away!). He is incredibly helpful. I am also blessed with a great family who is supporting me in this whole process, offering their skills, talents, and suggestions, and it's making it a lot more enjoyable and a lot less overwhelming! Thank God for all of this, because I strongly believe that the wedding, while important, shouldn't be the all-consuming focal point, and I really need people to remind me of that as I get bombarded with all these crazy advertisements and magazines and all that insanity!
