Wedding Insanity?

Recently, I got to witness the lead-up weeks to my roommate's much-awaited wedding. It made me want to elope.

No, seriously. At first it was fun stuff - finding the right hair accessory, or selecting ceremony music. But towards the end it just became pure stress. She didn't get a chance to enjoy her rehearsal dinner because she was so stressed with honeymoon packing and vow-writing that still had to be done. Thankfully, once the ceremony started she was able to relax and enjoy it. And she said she didn't regret any of the stress because the day went wonderfully.

I realize I'm a bit of a wedding novice, and I'm not trying to say there's anything wrong with the route my roommate took for her wedding, but I think there HAS to be a way to do this without all the stress. In just the few months of planning we've done, I've definitely had stressful moments - mostly relating to guest list and catering options. And it's been tough negotiating between what I want, want my fiance wants, and want both sets of parents want (which, honestly, drastically differs!) But when I look at the last-minute stress that my roommate went through, I think - there has to be a way to avoid it! Maybe not all of it, as staying within a budget alone can be stressful, let alone trying to figure out how to tell that girl you met at a party for a friend last year that is randomly your facebook friend because you like to read the same kind of books that she's not invited. But all the little things - decorations and favors and all that stuff. Obviously it's probably a good idea to have all these things, but how can it be done in a way that's not stressful? (If anyone knows the answer to this, I'm taking notes!) For me, the strategy has come by reminding myself constantly that I am preparing - not for a big party where I get to wear a white dress - but for a marriage, a lifetime commitment to the man I love. When I start to fret about wedding details, I tend to pull out "A Wife After God's Own Heart" - a book my sister got me for an engagement present. It's reading this (and any other Christian wife "manual" of sorts) that put me back into focus. Yes, the wedding day is special, and it's a big day. And I'm incredibly excited about it! But what I'm excited for most is after the party, when D and I get to live under the same roof. When I get to actually call him my husband, and when I get to be his wife! So with all the stress out there associated with weddings, I'm trying to stay focused on being a good wife, not just a well-organized bride. Because in the long run, it doesn't matter how the wedding turns out - as long as we're married in the eyes of God, it matters what the rest of our lives are like!

Alas, (I love using that word) - it's still hard to avoid wedding stress. I wonder when they become such extravagent affairs! Where food has to be laid out so it's eye-catching and beautiful (not just tasty), flowers have to adorn every surface of the ceremony site, cakes cost hundreds of dollars - seriously, how is going into massive debt for one day a good example of how to spend the rest of our lives together? And okay, I'm mostly just writing this as a reminder for myself - because it's true, we won't be able to pay for all of the wedding upfront. But we're not spending thousands of dollars over our income (or, really, thousands of dollars at all) to do this! And I refuse to be stressed about silly little details up until the last moment! I want to enjoy this process, to learn to work together effectively with my fiance and my future in-laws. I want to be able to look back at my engagement time and think "yes, I am glad I took advantage of that time to learn about being a wife" instead of looking back and thinking "man, we sure threw a great party there..." I think the most stressful thing at this moment is that not everyone agrees on our laid-back approach to wedding planning - where friends & family are doing most of the work (food, music, photography, etc.) Trying to convince others that it's okay if not everything is perfect is stressful - and odd, since I thought it would be me that needs to reassuring (and sometimes it is...) But I'm trying to work through it as best as I can, and take this time just to enjoy being engaged and planning a life together with D. I realize this post has absolutely no cohesion, but these are things I've been thinking about for a while and can't quite organize my thoughts yet... The point is, weddings themselves have become idols - the insanity that surrounds them overwhelming! I had to stop reading wedding magazines or books because what's "expected" is so over-the-top! To me, it's not worth it... even if I do have my moments of stress and slight insanity, I'm just praying that I can focus on the goal (beginning a life with the man I love) rather than the party. I don't want to be like my roommate, so I'm making a commitment now to avoid all of that craziness and just deal with things as they come... Hopefully that will work! We'll see.... ;-)