What I Do

I know it's been forever since I've written. But hopefully this will help explain what I've been up to besides blogging. Last week, I was asked to give a talk at the annual fundraising banquet for Black Rock. I was asked to talk a little bit about Outdoor Education at Black Rock so the donors who attend the banquet could better understand what types of program they'd be supporting. As I was preparing to speak in front of a couple hundred stoic wealthy elderly Mennonites, it occurred to me that whenever I mentioned Outdoor Ed, a lot of people still have no idea what exactly that means. So I wanted to share my talk here, so better explain why I've been under a rock these last three months running this program:-) So, here it is!

Good evening. I am one of the new faces around Black Rock, as I started working here this past June as the Outdoor Education Director. With a background in camp ministry, I basically “fell into” Outdoor Education without having a very clear idea of what to expect – I was just looking for a way to work summer camp all year long. Once I started teaching, I quickly realized that the field of outdoor education was where I was going to spend the rest of my career. However, over the last few years, I’ve discovered that very few people actually know what “Outdoor Education” is. When I try to explain to other people what it is – exactly - that we in outdoor education do, it ends up being translated along the lines of “Oh, so you get to play with kids in the woods all day.” This is partially true, but it’s a little more in-depth than that.

Broken down, most outdoor education programs are designed to be field trip experiences for schools, varying in length from one to three days, and include classes and activities that promote hands-on learning. Classes cover the spectrum of environmental science, as well as outdoor living skills such as canoeing, fire building, and so on. Most outdoor education programs incorporate a ropes course experience for the students as well. All of these activities are designed to supplement what the students are learning in their classrooms by providing hands-on, experiential opportunities for them to be able to get out and really explore the outdoors.

But outdoor education is so much more than this. In a video game controlled world, outdoor education provides an opportunity for children to not only explore their natural surroundings, but also to discover more about themselves. Instead of staring at a television screen, children are exposed to a world without walls and without limitations to their curiosity. I’ve seen students come to outdoor education programs who are diagnosed with severe ADHD – to the extent that they have to wear patches to control their hyperactivity, and their teachers send warnings about how hard these students are to manage – and the moment these students get outside and participate in hands-on classes, they are able to focus on what is being taught and excel in the outdoor classroom. For these students, who struggle with self-esteem, whose grades are suffering, outdoor education provides an opportunity to surpass expectations. Even students that already excel in the classroom develop a greater sense of self during their outdoor education experience. Whether they are being challenged on the ropes course, or studying critters in the creek, these students are given an opportunity to get out of virtual reality and get into God’s reality.

After a few years of teaching Outdoor Ed through other programs, I knew, for me, something was missing. I loved teaching hands-on science classes, but most outdoor education programs do not allow discussion of God as the Creator of the science we are teaching about. That’s when I found Black Rock, a program truly unique in both its exceptional educational value but also in its strong spiritual emphasis; whose motto is to teach about the Creator through His creation. Children that come to any program at Black Rock – whether it’s summer camp, a day on the ropes course, or outdoor education – are exposed to God’s love through the actions of our staff as well as the components of the activities. In outdoor education, we utilize our 100 wooded acres as our classroom, teaching students about the plants and animals that live there, as well as studying weather patterns, rock formations, creek life, and the nighttime sky. With over 30 different classes for the schools to choose from, we provide a diverse educational experience rooted in Biblical truths. Every component of nature is tied back into the Creator, and what He does for us. For example, when students are learning about how God provides diverse habitats for animals, they are also learning about God’s promise to always provide for us, and exploring the different ways in which He does so. While learning about orienteering and how to use a compass, the students are also exploring the direction God provides for us through His word. In addition, we hold devotions times each day, where we worship God openly and freely, and study the nature of God. From devotions to meals to classes to games, the children that come to our OE program are exposed to God in a new and exciting way.

Many of the students that come to our program already have a relationship with our Creator. Devotions, followed by cabin discussion times each evening allow for them to delve further into their relationships. For many, this is the first time they realize that their commitment to Christ isn’t something they inherit from their parents, but a decision they must make for themselves. At the end of every week, when students are asked about how their relationship with God has changed during their time at Black Rock, an overwhelming majority indicate that they have grown closer to God in the three short days on our property. Some students make the commitment to rededicate their lives to Christ.

Not every child who comes to our Outdoor Education program is a Christian. We view this as a golden opportunity to share God’s love with children who might not otherwise hear the good news. One student in particular stands out. She was a fifth grade student named Sabrina who attended outdoor education in September of this year. She, like all too many children nowadays, came from a rough home life. She had never been in any type of school before this year. Her cousin took her in as a foster child and enrolled her at the local Christian school. Sabrina struggled with the transition; while she made friends easily, she had never heard of God before, except as a curse word. Her teachers were confident that her time at Black Rock would be a great time of growth and learning. During the first night’s devotions, Sabrina was withdrawn and quiet. She contributed little to the discussion, and cried herself to sleep. She didn’t understand the joy and love that her classmates kept talking about. But over the next three days, God began to work in her heart. Sabrina began to listen intently during devotion times, and she started asking questions of her teachers and friends. She began to understand that she was created by God, that this same God loves her, and has a purpose for her. God used her time at Black Rock – away from her past, away from the life she used to know – to plant the seeds that will hopefully continue to grow into a meaningful relationship with our Lord and Creator.

Outdoor Education at Black Rock Retreat is more than just an educational experience or fun field trip for the students who attend. Our program is designed for stories like these – and all of the untold stories -so we can make room for God to work in the lives of these children. Through our programs, activities, devotions, and personal interactions with the students, we truly seek opportunities to challenge and encourage the students in their relationship with our Creator. This is what Black Rock Outdoor Education is – while it’s much shorter to simply say “I get to play with kids in the woods all day,” the truth is that Outdoor Education opens the door so we can know Christ and make Him known.

Our staff works hard to provide these opportunities to the students, but we can always use extra assistance. We would appreciate your prayers for our ministry. We have two weeks left of our fall season, and 135 students who will be attending in that time. Prayer is always our biggest support; please partner with us in prayer as we minister to these students this fall and as we prepare for a busy spring season! And, on behalf of the Outdoor Education staff, I want to thank you in advance for your prayers and encouragement. I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening.

Sea Glass

I've always loved finding sea glass. As a child, my mother used to keep a jar of it on the windowsill, and I would take them out and sort them by colors, admiring their frosty appearance and smooth edges. The whole idea of sea glass always fascinated me - broken pieces of bottles tossed and smoothed by the water, creating small fragments of art.

A few weeks ago, I went up to Ithaca, NY to visit D. The camp where he has spent the last few summers working is located right on the Finger Lakes - a perfect place to find sea glass. It's literally all over the place - as long as you're willing to look amongst all of the smooth rocks and fairy stones. It's become a bit of an addiction for me, whenever I visit. I like to walk along the rocky shore, hearing the crunch of the tiny stones and shells beneath my footsteps, and scour the coastline for tiny bits of colored glass. Sometimes D joins me in this endeavor, and we now have quite the collection of white, blue, purple, and green pieces.

It was on my most recent visit that I found myself spending quite a bit of solitary time walking along the edge of the lake. D was sick, resting in his cabin, and I was wandering to clear my head. Loving a man who is so frequently sick has definitely changed my perspective on life and love. I've been learning more about servant love through this whole experience (something that does not come naturally for me), and have been surprised by the peace that God brings to me through this experience. Not to imply in any way that I am joyful because D is sick, but having the opportunity to help him and serve him while he is in need has pushed me into a role I never thought I would be able to play well. I've always been rather self-serving, both in my relationship with others and my relationship with God. But trying to support D during his sickness has shown me what it really means to love - not the butterflies and giddiness that I still feel whenever he looks at me - but the solid, servant love that God requires of us. And it has shown me how God could take someone like me, with my horrible bed-side manor, and put me into a situation that, while difficult, has forced me to change some of that selfishness. I am still not sure why D has to suffer the way he has - I know I'll never fully understand God's plan - but what God has done in my life (and in D's) because of this has proven to me his faithfulness. Good things can come out of bad things. God has forced me to be more loving and more giving than I have ever been before, and from that both D and myself have grown closer to knowing the nature of God. What a blessing! While I am still unsteady at times, especially as the possibility of surgery for D looms closer, I know that I just have to put my fears and worries into His hands, because He can make anything good and it will all work for His glory!

So these are the things that were going through my head while searching for sea glass along the lake. To be completely honest, there was some anger, as well - the selfish part of me re-emerging, upset about the interruption of "our" plans, both for the weekend and for our lives, because of this sickness. But I sat in the warm afternoon sun holding a large piece of blue sea glass - my favorite -and started thinking about the nature of God. Who is God, and what can He do?

I think we can learn a lot about God's works from examining sea glass. In its original form, it is really just a broken piece of glass - probably clear or brown to begin with, but trash nonetheless. Sharp, pointed edges that easily cut, essentially useless to anyone and quite possibly dangerous of not handled properly. But overtime, in the currents of the water, the edges of the glass are smoothed out. The colors transform - clear into a frosty white, brown softens into a chocolate shade. The longer the glass is in the water, the smoother the edges become. The longer it sits on the shore, the color changes. Clear turns to white, which eventually turns to a delicate light blue. Brown eventually softens into a hazy sunset purple. From ugly pieces of trash come beautiful fragments that are collected and cherished - no longer hazzardous or useless, but now admired.

The thing that struck me most when thinking about the journey of sea glass is that no matter how beautiful it becomes, it will never become "complete" again. An entire bottle thrown into the sea shows no such weathering or changes. The glass must first be broken to become beautiful. Psalm 51:17 tells us that "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." Directly above that is one of my favorite verses - 51:10: "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." This is exactly what God does with us when we are broken. When we are used up, useless, troubled, scared, and uncertain - God can use that if we let Him. Just like the sea glass tossed among the waves, the more we allow God to use our brokenness, the more beautiful He can make us. We are His works of art, used to glorify Him, as long as we allow Him the control to do this. Even when everything in our lives starts to feel "complete" again - we must remember to approach God from this spirit of brokenness to allow for His glory and grace. So while I'm struggling with the "why's" and "what for's" of D's sickness, and questioning how God can be glorified through such pain, I am trying to remember that we must first be broken to be blessed and transformed. And, just like the sea glass, the longer we trust in God, the more beautiful He will make us.

Wedding Insanity?

Recently, I got to witness the lead-up weeks to my roommate's much-awaited wedding. It made me want to elope.

No, seriously. At first it was fun stuff - finding the right hair accessory, or selecting ceremony music. But towards the end it just became pure stress. She didn't get a chance to enjoy her rehearsal dinner because she was so stressed with honeymoon packing and vow-writing that still had to be done. Thankfully, once the ceremony started she was able to relax and enjoy it. And she said she didn't regret any of the stress because the day went wonderfully.

I realize I'm a bit of a wedding novice, and I'm not trying to say there's anything wrong with the route my roommate took for her wedding, but I think there HAS to be a way to do this without all the stress. In just the few months of planning we've done, I've definitely had stressful moments - mostly relating to guest list and catering options. And it's been tough negotiating between what I want, want my fiance wants, and want both sets of parents want (which, honestly, drastically differs!) But when I look at the last-minute stress that my roommate went through, I think - there has to be a way to avoid it! Maybe not all of it, as staying within a budget alone can be stressful, let alone trying to figure out how to tell that girl you met at a party for a friend last year that is randomly your facebook friend because you like to read the same kind of books that she's not invited. But all the little things - decorations and favors and all that stuff. Obviously it's probably a good idea to have all these things, but how can it be done in a way that's not stressful? (If anyone knows the answer to this, I'm taking notes!) For me, the strategy has come by reminding myself constantly that I am preparing - not for a big party where I get to wear a white dress - but for a marriage, a lifetime commitment to the man I love. When I start to fret about wedding details, I tend to pull out "A Wife After God's Own Heart" - a book my sister got me for an engagement present. It's reading this (and any other Christian wife "manual" of sorts) that put me back into focus. Yes, the wedding day is special, and it's a big day. And I'm incredibly excited about it! But what I'm excited for most is after the party, when D and I get to live under the same roof. When I get to actually call him my husband, and when I get to be his wife! So with all the stress out there associated with weddings, I'm trying to stay focused on being a good wife, not just a well-organized bride. Because in the long run, it doesn't matter how the wedding turns out - as long as we're married in the eyes of God, it matters what the rest of our lives are like!

Alas, (I love using that word) - it's still hard to avoid wedding stress. I wonder when they become such extravagent affairs! Where food has to be laid out so it's eye-catching and beautiful (not just tasty), flowers have to adorn every surface of the ceremony site, cakes cost hundreds of dollars - seriously, how is going into massive debt for one day a good example of how to spend the rest of our lives together? And okay, I'm mostly just writing this as a reminder for myself - because it's true, we won't be able to pay for all of the wedding upfront. But we're not spending thousands of dollars over our income (or, really, thousands of dollars at all) to do this! And I refuse to be stressed about silly little details up until the last moment! I want to enjoy this process, to learn to work together effectively with my fiance and my future in-laws. I want to be able to look back at my engagement time and think "yes, I am glad I took advantage of that time to learn about being a wife" instead of looking back and thinking "man, we sure threw a great party there..." I think the most stressful thing at this moment is that not everyone agrees on our laid-back approach to wedding planning - where friends & family are doing most of the work (food, music, photography, etc.) Trying to convince others that it's okay if not everything is perfect is stressful - and odd, since I thought it would be me that needs to reassuring (and sometimes it is...) But I'm trying to work through it as best as I can, and take this time just to enjoy being engaged and planning a life together with D. I realize this post has absolutely no cohesion, but these are things I've been thinking about for a while and can't quite organize my thoughts yet... The point is, weddings themselves have become idols - the insanity that surrounds them overwhelming! I had to stop reading wedding magazines or books because what's "expected" is so over-the-top! To me, it's not worth it... even if I do have my moments of stress and slight insanity, I'm just praying that I can focus on the goal (beginning a life with the man I love) rather than the party. I don't want to be like my roommate, so I'm making a commitment now to avoid all of that craziness and just deal with things as they come... Hopefully that will work! We'll see.... ;-)

Joel's Bike Ride Adventure

Memorial Day weekend in Atlanta, all of "the boys" - my dad, D, Michael, and my four oldest nephews - went to ride bikes in the park. Isaac & Ezra are old enough to ride alone, and D pushed Nathan in a stroller, while Michael taught Joel how to ride a "big boy" bike. D ran along behind and recorded the event, and then put together this little video clip to share. (Sorry for the shakiness, apparently running, pushing a jogging stroller, and videotaping all at the same time can be a little difficult!) Enjoy!

The Industrialization of Weddings

Less than a month after getting engaged (pictures to come!), I think I have become incredibly overwhelmed with all the planning involved in putting together a wedding! Granted, I have a whole year to plan, but D and I have been brainstorming and I really want to get things started so as to avoid as much "last-minute" stress as possible. And it's a good thing, I think, because in the last few weeks I have learned so much! After perusing a few wedding magazines and wedding planning books (D being incredibly patient while I sat for three hours in the wedding section of Barnes & Noble), it seems that most people spend all their engagement time preparing for the wedding itself, not for marriage! Fortunately, D and I wanted a longer engagement to prepare ourselves emotionally to be husband and wife, to work on all the little quirks that come up now and then, and we really want to use this time to sort out as much as possible. This will be very helpful as my brother-in-law, who is going to officiate the ceremony, wants to do pre-marital counseling with us. We're getting some books that bring up a lot of issues that come up in marriage, and D and I will answer the questions separately and then compare, to learn what kind of things we agree on and what we need to figure out. Michael will be helping us with this, which will be very cool since he's been married for over ten years (to an incredibly awesome woman, I might add). Also, Erin and Michael got us companion books - A Wife After God's Own Heart and A Husband After God's Own Heart, which we're going to read to prepare for the spiritual side of marriage. Anyway, this has nothing to do with the title of my post, but the point is that these are the main things I want to work on during the engagement period. But alas, a wedding must also be planned, and D and I are both rather excited by the prospect - as long as it doesn't consume all of our engagement time! It's been really fun brainstorming with him, but the other day I took on the one task that he cannot help me with: finding a wedding dress.

Now I'll be honest; I've wanted to try on wedding dresses since I was old enough to know what a wedding dress was. I've daydreamed about the "perfect" dress for years. So even though I have plenty of time to find "the one", I took advantage of a family gathering in Atlanta to have my mom and my sister (matron of honor) to accompany me to the bridal shop to try on dresses. I imagined looking through racks and racks of beautiful gowns at a leisurely pace, trying on some beautiful dresses and also one or two silly, puffy ones for fun photo ops. But when I walked into the store, it was not at all like I imagined. First I had to register and give up all the information about my wedding and every detail of my life. Then I had to select the dresses in a timely manner so I could meet with my consultant. We looked through the racks in my size - all the dresses sealed in plastic bags, making it difficult to actually gauge the quality or appearance of the dress - and picked out 12 to try on. Then we were informed that we could only try on three at the moment, because that's all that would fit in the dressing room. We brought all of them with us, anyway, and after waiting around for our consultant (and being reminded several times by the employees that it's easier to make an appointment first), I got to try on the first of my dresses.

It was a whirlwind of activity, trying on dresses, with my consultant running around to pick out the perfect veil, bra, hair clip, etc. to try to sell me more. Instead of standing and gazing in a mirror for a few minutes to determine if I liked it, I was asked immediately if that was "it" or not, and I felt very rushed. Not to mention, crowded. Many other brides-to-be shared the dressing rooms around me, and while I liked trying on pretty dresses, I hated the "stock" feel of the entire experience. It wasn't at all the "special" experience that I envisioned, with random people wandering by and children running through while I'm trying to decide on the "perfect" dress. My consultant and several others said all the "right" things to say to a bride-to-be, playing on emotions, suggesting alterations to be made and accessories to add, etc. But it felt very commercial, and very unlike the style D & I are striving for with our wedding. Even when I found the dress that I thought could be "the one," I wasn't entirely comfortable with it. Fortunately, I had made a decision to not buy a dress at all, just to browse, and this was especially helpful after I looked at the price tags! And then it all just hit me at once - this is a business, and industry - not the special, once-in-a-lifetime experience I had been hoping for. And reflecting on all the magazines and books I've seen, it's all the same thing. Nothing seems to be standing out, from bridesmaid dresses to favors to invitations - it all seems so commercial and so unlike the personality that D and I envisioned. I left just feeling overwhelmed, and the entire "wedding" idea became every energy-sucking.

Then a fantastic thing happened - my mom offered to make my wedding dress! I had been afraid to ask because I didn't want to stress her out, but she really wanted to do it and it would be absolutely perfect for the theme of the wedding! I guess I should explain, D and I really want a wedding that highlights our friends and family, so the idea is to have them be involved as much as possible. Having strangers contribute seems a little strange to both of us, even though we know there will be times when that's necessary, but we want to involve and honor everyone we love. And the wedding dress should be no exception! My mom is excellent at sewing, and made the majority of my formal dresses for proms & homecomings in high school. So we went to JoAnn's, picked out a pattern, and bought some scrap fabric to make a sample dress out of. Basically the idea is to re-create the $600 dress I saw at the bridal shop and loved for MUCH less, and make it more tailored to my style. This way I can get the exact fabric that I want, the exact style, and it is made specifically for my body! I'm really excited about it. My mom has also offered to make the bridesmaid dresses, which I'm really starting to like as well. I've already found some cute patterns that would be perfect and (hopefully) flattering for my three favorite ladies!

Anyway, this is long and rambling, but the point is that I was really overwhelmed with the whole commercial feel of weddings and the impersonal feel of it all. I am completely amazed by all the options, and at the price of it all! Fortunately, I have an awesome fiance who is keeping me grounded, reminding me of our vision (so I don't end up with a puffy Cinderella dress and getting married in a grand ballroom because I've gotten so carried away!). He is incredibly helpful. I am also blessed with a great family who is supporting me in this whole process, offering their skills, talents, and suggestions, and it's making it a lot more enjoyable and a lot less overwhelming! Thank God for all of this, because I strongly believe that the wedding, while important, shouldn't be the all-consuming focal point, and I really need people to remind me of that as I get bombarded with all these crazy advertisements and magazines and all that insanity!

Something that makes me smile

A few weeks ago while visiting my sister, I played a game with Nathan - hiding the ping pong balls around the room. But he had a hard time keeping his eyes closed, as you can probably tell... I watch this every time I need a pick-me-up, so I thought I'd share :-) Sorry that it's sideways... I still don't know how to fix that.

April Post - Finally!

I've just realized it's been about a month since I've written here; work has been incredibly busy and it seems like everything has become a lot more hectic this last month. I've had ideas of things I wanted to write in my head, but no chance to actually write them out. At this exact moment, I find myself unsure of what to write. I'm feeling very stressed, and am trying hard to pray and be confident that there's a plan for me and I will discover it soon, but it's definitely been difficult. I've been looking for jobs, but am having a hard time discerning what my next step should be. I'm looking for full-time work, but am starting to look into the idea of just moving somewhere and finding a job to support myself until I can find something more permanent. Since currently I know six other people with my same skill set who are also looking for jobs, and none of them have had any success, I'm finding it difficult to be optimistic about the possibilities, but we'll see. I just had a good talk with my friend Jenn, who has been a huge support to me this season, and even though she's in the same position I am, she is still maintaining a great attitude about it. So it's definitely been helpful to have her here!

I've been struggling with several different things this season. Some of them are personal/health related, so I won't really go into too much detail here, but a lot of them have been work related. I'm having a very difficult time this season, for several reasons, most of them aren't actually work issues but more interpersonal issues. But I finally realized, after much thought about what's going wrong and why I feel so alienated, that God is working to refine me. I was trying to figure out a way to help some other people but was failing miserably, and then it occurred to me - maybe the plan for me to be here now is not entirely because I'm supposed to help others (although, obviously, that's something that I would like to try to do regardless), but because God wanted to teach me some things about who I really am. It's been eye-opening and somewhat disconcerting, but I'm hoping that I'm learning what I'm supposed to be learning. It definitely has not been easy, and I would really like to move on come May (when my contract is up), but I guess I'll just have to see what happens.

There have been some really positive things happening. The green is finally out, and camp is gorgeous! The weather has been absolutely fantastic - perhaps a little warmer than usual, but the sunshine is still just as nice - so working outside is now a lot easier. I know it doesn't seem like much, but when 14 hours of your day are spent outside, it's nice to finally not have any rain or tornado warnings! So yay for that!

I'm sure I had more to write, but I'm still a bit scattered and still a bit stressed, so I am going to stop here and compose my thoughts. Hopefully my next post will be slightly more cohesive!