Polar Bear Swim

A lot's been happening, but nothing I really feel like writing about just yet. My other blog, Sarah's Sweet Tooth, is getting more of my attention lately because it's all about stuff I bake. And I do love to bake. In fact, I'm attempting to start a small "business" in which I will make cupcakes & other sweets for other people's events. I doubt this will turn out well, but at least I can say I tried. Therefore, my "real life" isn't very exciting, but I wanted to post this video.

This June, D and I spent a week at Lake Champlain with my sister, brother-in-law, and five nephews. It was, in a word, awesome. However, it was also very cold. So to sum up the experience, here is brave Ezra:







Enjoy! And I'll try to post more when my life gets somewhat interesting again...

Surgery Updates

Today marks five days since D's colectomy (i.e. complete removal of his colon, plus some). He had managed to stay healthy through the wedding, but sure enough, a week later he was sick again. After several trips to his doctor in NY, it was decided that he would have surgery to remove his colon (infected from Ulcerative Colitis) that has been bugging him for over four years now. For once, a doctor actually explained all of the options - complete with pros and cons. After spending more time on prednisone (a steriod) than off in the last two years, alternative medical therapies were suggested. One was 6MP, which would require bi-weekly blood tests to make sure his white blood counts didn't fall too low. At this point, there is no knowledge of what the long-term effects of being on this drug would be. The other was Remicaide (I might be spelling it incorrectly) - which is basically a several-hour-long infusion that he would have to come in and get bi-monthly. And the other option was surgery. After four years of being on various medications and dealing with side effects that are sometimes worse than his actual condition, D chose surgery.

The weeks leading up to the surgery were stressful, to say the least. We were told he'd have to have three surgeries. The first would be to remove his colon and install an ileostomy. In the second surgery, they would go in and build an internal "pouch". That would have to heal for a while, and then he'd have his third and final surgery, which would take out the ileostomy and begin diverting everything through the pouch and back the (modified) "regular" way. This whole process was going to take anywhere from 6-10 months. So we mentally and emotionally prepared ourselves for almost a year of him not being able to work, or be very physically active. We also were not entirely sure what the various recovery processes would be. There were a lot of unknowns coming into this. There was also, of course, my completely unfounded fear of him not making it through the surgery. There's only a 1% chance of death occurring during this kind of surgery, but of course I'm paranoid. I worked hard not to let him know my fears, or to let them get the best of me (definitely did a lot of praying!)

So Tuesday was the big day. His mother took the day off to sit with me in the waiting room. We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 a.m., following the instructions to go to valet parking, and then look for the guy in the tuxedo waiting for us in the lobby. His mother and I were both pretty sure that this was a joke, but sure enough, "Mike" was in a tuxedo waiting to meet us! He gave us a newspaper and some patient information, and then escorted us up to the third floor for pre-op.

The nurse had originally told us that the surgery would last 2 and a half hours. The waiting room had this neat electronic board that told you when people (identified by number) went into the various stages of pre-op (3), then to surgery, then to recovery, and finally to their room. We anxiously watched the board for three hours... then three and a half... then four... Finally, after five hours of being anxious, saying a lot of prayers, and discussing the entire Fedchak family history with my mother-in-law, the doctor came out to see us. The surgery was a success! Not only that, they were able to do two surgeries in one, not only taking out his colon but also making the pouch! Whoot! Apparently, the surgery was supposed to take five hours (the nurse was wrong), so nothing went wrong at all.

After spending some time in recovery, he was transferred to the "penthouse" - the 16th and topmost floor of the hospital, with large private rooms that have reclining chairs and fold-out couches so they are "family friendly". He even has a great view of Lake Erie. I didn't know hospitals could be so swanky, but it sure has made staying here overnight much easier! (Even if the couch-bed is as hard as a rock - I just keep telling myself it's preparation for all the camping we'll finally be able to do this summer). Most of the staff here is fantastic - very friendly and helpful. One of the nurse's aides keeps bringing me the extra meals, so I haven't had to worry too much about getting food (what meals I don't get in the room, D's parents bring to me when they come visit).

The recovery process has been difficult. The first two days were relatively easy - the anesthesia wasn't entirely out of his system, so he slept a lot. He has an almost continual flow of pain medication, so sometimes he's loopy and other times he's rather coherent. As he's gotten to start feeling "better," though, he's gotten to feeling worse. We took a tally and counted 7 different tubes coming out of him at one point. Now that he's more fully aware of what's going on, this is starting to wear on him. Also, the euphoria of surviving the surgery and already having the pouch in is also starting to wane. So far, post-surgery, he's had some blood transfusions, a chest x-ray, an inhaler prescribed, lots of random medications given (to prevent blood clotting, nausea, infection, pneumonia, fluid build-up, etc.) The latest news is the "wound VAC" - which is quite possibly the most interesting thing I've seen in a long time. Basically, his incision runs from just below his sternum to the top of his pelvic bone (barely skirting around his bellybutton, making it somewhat hurricane-shaped). He has 12 staples holding it together, but the top and bottom 2-3 inches were left open in case of infection, etc. The purpose of the wound VAC is to close the incision by encouraging the tissue to grow together again - without using stitches or staples. Using negative pressure (i.e. a vacuum), the machine pulls the wound closed using special sponges cut to fit in the open parts of the incision. It does this slowly, so there's a bit of pressure but doesn't cause too much pain. This method apparently helps keep out bacteria, encourages new tissue growth, and will make the scar much smaller. Now that I've seen the entire wound - open parts and all - I'm really interested to see what it looks like after it heals entirely.

Tomorrow is my last day here at the hospital - I must return to work on Monday. D will be in for another 5 days or more, most likely. He might get the tube out of his nose today, which is very exciting! They've clamped it down to make sure he doesn't get queezy, and after a few hours they'll take it out. I think this will help greatly improve his spirits. It will be hard to leave while he's still here, especially because I've been doing a lot of the stuff a nurse's aide would do - like helping with washing, etc. But I'm hoping that in a few days he'll be a little more self-sufficient and will be able to do more on his own. Today he walked about 25 feet with a walker, and he's slowly getting stronger every day. He's being incredibly brave and patient through this entire process, and fortunately is not letting an macho ego get in the way of him getting better! The plan from here on out is that he'll stay with his grandfather (who's home all the time) for a bit after the surgery, and should then be able to come home. It will take about 6 weeks weeks for him to "normal" again (whatever that means). After 8 weeks he'll come back in to get x-rays of the pouch, to make sure it's healing okay. If the x-rays turn out well, then we can schedule his second and FINAL surgery to reverse the ileostomy, hopefully sometime in early June. That means by the 4th of July, he should be all healed up and ready to live life again!

We've already started planning our "new" life together, and this will include all of our favorite foods like ice cream, pasta with red sauce, Mexican, and even a beer every once in a while. We're planning lots of camping trips and hiking adventures for the summer, since we won't constantly have to worry about where the bathroom is, or if he'll have the energy to do it (he won't be constantly anemic anymore!) We hope next summer to take some time to hike part of the AT. He's worried that I won't like him once I get to know what he's "really" like - with all sorts of energy for causing mischief and mayhem. I'm just excited that for once, I'll have to work to keep up with him instead of the other way around:-)

Wedding Mishaps

Three weeks ago, D and I got married. And it was all those things it's supposed to be - wonderful, magical, special, absolutely perfect. And it really did feel like all of those things, especially the last one. But the funny thing is, there were many minor (and a few major) mishaps along the way - especially within the last 24 hours of the wedding and at the wedding itself. And somehow, all those things going wrong actually made the experience more wonderful than I could have planned it. So, just for fun, I thought I'd share some of these mishaps and how they helped to enhance the entire wedding experience...

To set the scene, the wedding was on Sunday, January 10th at 1:00 p.m. in West Virginia. For the last bajillion years (give or take a year or two), West Virginia has experienced pretty mild winters. Of course, this winter was completely different. With between 80-90 guests coming from out-of-town (NJ, NY, PA, VA, NC, TN, GA, IL, and Scotland), it was a bit disturbing to have the entire week preceding the wedding filled with snow. And more snow. And even more snow... Which brings us to approximately 8:30 p.m. on Friday evening.

THE MISSING BRIDESMAID

The rehearsal was scheduled for 9:00 a.m. Saturday. The wedding party was due to arrive on Friday. About 12 hours before the rehearsal, Whitney, one of my bridesmaids, called from Chicago. Her plane was due in to Pittsburgh around 10:30 that night, but her mother wasn't able to make it there to pick her up that night because of the snow. So Whitney spent the night in Pittsburgh and missed the rehearsal.

HOW IT BECAME AWESOME

This was a bit unsettling at first, not only because she was the first to walk down the aisle, but also because I was just really excited to see her. However, it did all work out. We (all the girls) went to the clubhouse about an hour and a half before the ceremony to get ready, and we did a quick run-through. This, of course, resulted in us being silly about it, and some of my favorite pictures from the day are of us spinning and twirling around to the recessional song. So, if Whitney had been able to make it, then we would have missed out on the fun picture opportunity. And the much needed stress-relief of twirling.

WHO NEEDS PROCESSIONAL MUSIC?

9:00 AM Saturday rolls around. We go to run through the rehearsal, and find that the CD we had burned with our processional song (a piano version of "I Can't Help Falling In Love") wouldn't play on my old CD player. To add to the situation, we hadn't practiced with the timing of the song before, and wasn't even sure it would work since it's a bit "untraditional." So we rehearsed without music, using my sister's handy watch to time entrances and pacing.

HOW IT BECAME AWESOME

We ended up putting the music on the computer and just playing it from the laptop (much thanks to D's brother's girlfriend, who ran the music for us... as we had no one else to do it). The experience of walking down the aisle to that song for the very first time, seeing my soon-to-be-husband looking handsome in his tux, and seeing his bright smile as I walked towards him, will forever be one of my favorites.

LET THEM EAT CAKE

D's cousin Risa makes awesome cakes. So, of course, we asked her to make our wedding cake. And then... the snow hit. So approximately 24 hours before the wedding, we found out that Risa wouldn't be able to make the trip down from Buffalo because of the weather. Thus, we had no cake.

HOW IT BECAME AWESOME

Fortunately, we had cupcakes that were meant to feed the majority of the people. We really just wanted a small cake upon which to put our cake topper and to cut for the traditional cake-cutting. D's mom offered to run around that afternoon and try to find us a cake, but I told her I'd try to find something first. Cate, my bridesmaid from Scotland, and I love cake. Our friendship was founded upon our mutual love of sweets. And since she had been in Scotland, we didn't get to do any traditional bride/bridesmaid things together. So, we went cake-tasting. I found a small bakery listed in the phone book that specialized in last minute orders, and it was only about 10 minutes from my house. We popped over and told the woman the situation. She had a slice of cake sitting in the fridge, and she pulled it out for us to taste. She also handed us a bunch of cookies to taste, just for fun. While we flipped through picture books, she - her name was Marianne - told us all about how she got started with the bakery. Originally from New York City, she had no formal training but just loved to cook. We found some pictures we liked, and then started talking price. I told her I just wanted a one-tier 8-inch cake. She insisted that it wouldn't be a wedding cake if it was only one-tier, so she was going to add a 6-inch top for free! I showed her the picture that I wanted, and she said she'd have it ready by 6:00 that night! So, even though we didn't get the cake we had originally planned, we still got a great-tasting, absolutely adorable cake for less than $50. In addition, I got to spend some quality time cake-tasting with Cate:-)

The rest of Saturday was spent with a bridal shower, an evening at the martini bar with friends. D and some of his friends left a little early that night because we were supposed to have access to the reception venue that night; however, it was accidentally locked. And at midnight, it was too late to call the caterer to get the keys. So after a restless night, I woke up the next morning unsure if we'd even have access to the reception venue that morning - which was quite essential for set-up. Fortunately, the caterer opened it around 8:30 that morning, so at 9am I went over to decorate for the reception, with the help of my bridesmaids, my father, and D's family. (D was on task of decorating the ceremony venue with some of our friends). Everything was going fine, until we realized...

NO CENTERPIECES

We had originally planned to have our own centerpieces. I even bought 12 snowflake floating candles. But after discussion of purchasing 12 vases, we decided to go with the caterer's decor that was included in the cost (a single white candle in the middle of the table - we're simple). But Sunday morning, we discovered that somehow the message had been lost that we wanted the caterer's centerpieces. So I had the 12 candles, but nothing to put them in.

HOW IT BECAME AWESOME

My friend Alexis had offered to come over and help decorate that morning. Upon hearing of the dilemma, she ran off to the store to find vases to hold the centerpieces. I had to leave before she got back, but when I got the reception later that afternoon, each table had a beautiful vase complete with snowflake floating candles. They were absolutely gorgeous, and it was fun to be surprised!

So now let's flash forward a few hours. My mom did my hair, D arranged a surprise limo to pick me up at my house (along with my bridesmaids & nephews), and we arrived at the Clubhouse with an hour and a half to spare. (On a random note, I've always thought limos were a bit "over the top," but this surprise was perfect. Before it arrived, I was starting to get tense and nervous. Once we all piled in, the atmosphere was so perfect and fun that I was able to relax and really begin to enjoy the day! It was a great surprise:-) At the Clubhouse, we did a practice processional with Whitney, and then began to get ready. Everything is going smoothly. Everyone is dressed. Even the flowergirl and ringbearer are ready to go. It's 12:55. My dress is laced, my veil is in my place, my make-up is done, and now all I need is... my shoes.

SHOELESS JOE FROM HANIBAL, MO

My beautiful silver shoes that I was absolutely in love with were... nowhere to be found. They had been left back at my parents' house, a good 20 minutes away. My mom offered to go get them, with five minutes before the wedding was supposed to start. I initially said yes, until my ever-so-smart sister reminded me that I had always wanted to get married barefoot.

HOW IT BECAME AWESOME

As I walked down the aisle, D noticed the lack of shoes (he had already seen the pretty silver ones before, so he was expecting those). Afterwards, he told me that it made him really happy that I had married him while barefoot. Throughout the entire planning process, he kept saying he wanted to give me the wedding "of my dreams." I had always dreamed of an outdoor, barefoot wedding. Okay, in the winter we couldn't manage the outdoors, but a simple act of forgetfulness turned into a really special detail about the whole day. I got to surprise my groom, and fulfill the wish of getting married barefoot (and, of course, wear my awesome silver shoes at the reception!)

CAN I HAVE THE RINGS?

The processional has started. Whitney is walking down the aisle. The rest of us are lined up outside, barefoot and freezing. Cate goes down the aisle. Right before my sister, the matron-of-honor, begins to walk, we realize a huge error: we had left D's ring in the dressing room.

HOW IT BECAME AWESOME

Erin goes down the aisle. I send my dad running downstairs to find the ring (or, hobbling a bit - he broke his ankle last year and is still recovering). This leaves me, Joel (my five year nephew who is the ring bearer), and Violet (the five year old daughter of some friends). Joel goes down the aisle, and it's just me and Violet standing out there in the cold. I help her out of her coat and then tell her when to go. There was some trepidation on my part - we all had some fear she'd get nervous and wouldn't make it. So I peeked in the glass doors behind her and watched as she began her way down the aisle. There's a fantastic picture of Violet tossing her "snowflake" petals onto the floor while I peek through the glass to watch. And then it was just me. And this moment alone, in the cold, barefoot, and about to walk down the aisle to see my groom, was priceless. It was a great moment to "center" and get ready for what I was about to do. And then, my dad came up the stairs with the ring in hand, to the rescue! I put D's ring on my thumb and took my dad's arm, and we walked down the aisle together. Upon reaching the front and turning to hand the bouquet to my sister, I took a few extra seconds to pry D's ring off my thumb and "discreetly" pass it along to Erin. Hopefully, none of this was too obvious!

And off to the reception...


RIBBONS

One of my favorite parts of my dress were the long white satin ribbons that laced up the back and hung down to the floor. These were a last-minute touch, and I loved them. But not enough to make sure that I didn't get them stuck in the car door on the way over to the reception. So we arrive at the reception, and I go to step out of the car, when we realize that about a foot of the ribbons had been stuck in the door and were now covered in mud.

HOW IT BECAME AWESOME

My friend Mike, who is an old "pirate" friend from camp (and also our wedding photographer) was in the car next to us when we parked. He pulled out a pocket knife and cut off the muddy ends of the ribbon - and brought just enough pirativity to the wedding in that one simple act. No one was any wiser, even if the ribbons were just a little bit shorter:-)

NO DJ? (No, not THAT DJ)

D's friend Marc was supposed to do out music, but due to all the snow, he couldn't make it down from Rochester, NY. So when we got to the reception, we didn't know how we were going to be "announced." We had set up the music so you could just hit "play" on the computer playlist, but we really wanted to announce the bridal party...

HOW IT BECAME AWESOME

D's friend Josh, a good college friend, stepped into the role of MC and did a fantastic job. In addition to correctly pronouncing everyone's names, he also went above and beyond and recognized our parents (and gave special props to my mom for making the dress). He really did a phenomenal job, especially last-minute, and I'm incredibly thankful to him!

Okay, then we had an issue with the speakers not working correctly... and I don't really have a good way that worked out, but hey, in the grand scheme of things, it didn't really matter at the end of the day:-) We were married, most of our friends & family were able to attend, and it was a great day. We danced, we ate, we ate cake, and we took a lot of pictures. We had some toasts - 2 out of the 4 of which were awesome. My one regret is that we didn't get a chance to go around and talk to everyone who was there; it was a very short reception (our pictures took a little longer than we planned for), and a lot of people had to leave early anyway. But I'm hoping that all the people we didn't get to talk to and thank for coming will hopefully understand! It was a fantastic day, even with all these mishaps, and I am so thrilled that everyone was able to make it, that we had all of these little mishaps go wrong to make the day truly perfect, and most importantly - that we're married:-)

There is, of course, one more last litle mishap...

THE BOUQUET TOSS

You see, there was a chandalier. And it was hanging low. And we had joked about me hitting it with the bouquet. And I was positive I wouldn't. And then... I did. And some of the "crystals" hanging down off the chandalier fell to the ground in a very dramatic fashion.

HOW IT BECAME AWESOME

The good news - the crystals were plastic. The caterer said it happened all the time. So I didn't have to pay any fees or anything like that (which I was a bit nervous about). And I was a bit embarrassed about it for a few minutes. But then it just became funny. And it became even more hilarious after getting some pictures back of that exact moment when the bouquet actually hit the chandalier - of the ten or so women lined up to catch the bouquet, nine of them have their hands up to their face with shocked expressions as they watch the crystals fall to the ground... and then there's one, D's cousin Justine, who is almost maniacally diving after the bouquet to catch it, even though no one else is even focused on the flowers at this point. It's pretty fantastic, and I'm pretty sure it will forever be one of my favorite photos from the day.

Before the wedding, D and I had joked about all the things that would go wrong. While we were incorrect in our actual guesses, we were right about one thing - the wedding wouldn't have been the same if it had been seamless and without mishaps. After all, our romance is the story of a series of mishaps that fell into place to make a wonderful, (almost) perfect love.

Advent Conspiracy

Last week, right before Christmas, I saw an article about the "Advent Conspiracy" - an idea that has been around for a while but is only recently gaining popularity. It's the idea that instead of celebrating consumerism for Christmas, we give gifts of service that will truly help those who are suffering and in need. What a novel idea!

What caught my eye about this particular article, honestly, was it's discussion of the whole "war on Christmas" idea. You know, the one where Christians are upset because "Happy Holidays" has gained more popularity than the phrase "Merry Christmas." Perhaps I am not as argumentative as I should be about this, but it has never bothered me when someone says "happy holidays." Perhaps because I have friends who are Jewish, or who do not celebrate Christmas for other various reasons, I do not feel the need to have my grocery store check-out person wish me a Merry Christmas. If they say Happy Holidays, I do not feel that they have offended my faith or denied Christ. Anyone who knows me well knows what I believe, knows that I celebrate Christmas and believe in the birth of Christ - so changing two words and insisting that everyone else on the planet wish me a Merry Christmas seems a bit frivolous to me. It's not about words; it's about actions. You can say "Merry Christmas" all you want, but if you're celebrating it without sharing the greatest gift of the season - the birth of Christ, the love of God - then it's just semantics.

Anyway, that's why the Advent Conspiracy caught my eye. The idea of trying to share God's love through Christmas gifts isn't a new one, but I like that's it's gaining popularity. For example, instead of spending hundreds of dollars on gifts for people, donate to a worthy cause in their name. Or take your family to a homeless shelter and volunteer for the day. Give time, money, or support to God's children who are suffering. Isn't that what we're called to do, anyway?

Don't get me wrong; I enjoy opening presents as much as the next person. And I think it's flattering that someone puts thought and effort into a special gift just for me. I, too, am materialistic and consumeristic, as much as I would like not to be. But I want to make a serious effort to change this; to start giving gifts of service and love (no batteries needed!) I would also like receive these gifts. While it is fun to wake up to a Christmas tree skirt covered in shiny wrapped presents picked out just for me, these gifts of service can also be personalized (and environmentally friendly - no wasted wrapping paper!) For example, World Vision sends out a "gift catalog" every year, and you can select a certain thing to give in honor of someone else. One of the options is to give money to help support a young girl who has escaped sex slavery. Or to help orphans go to school. Or to provide clean water for villages. What amazing gifts! And it's so easy to pick out a cause that is important to someone and give to that in honor of them.

And okay, there are still physical things that I would like to get. But the point is, if we shift our focus of giving during the Christmas season (or any time of year), we can greatly impact the lives of others while honoring those we love. I don't think it's bad or wrong to give material gifts to someone; I do think that it would be so easy to start picking small ways to share the love of God with others. Now... if only I can remember this for next year! ;-)

Wedding Countdown!

Yes, yes, I'm a huge dork :-)

Please, Judge the Book by the Cover

Last weekend, I returned to Roanoke, VA for a "bachelorette" weekend hosted by my college girlfriends. While it seems pretty rowdy, it really wasn't. But it was a beautiful weekend in the Blue Ridge Mountains, back on the campus of Hollins. We spent most of Saturday in downtown Roanoke, which has an awesome farmer's market and some great little shops. One of my favorite shops has always been Cantos, an independent bookstore. Being a bookstore fanatic, I always found it really refreshing to be able to just wander around and browse a tiny, locally-owned store.

Last weekend, that all changed (insert dramatic music here).

Upon entering the store with some friends, the woman working accosted us immediately. "Are you looking for yourself or doing some Christmas shopping?" We assured her that we were just browsing - which, for most of us, means looking around and then buying more than we meant to - but apparently that answer wasn't satisfactory. She continued to lurk creepily as we perused, each of us in our own sections. But then, I made an egregious error. I OPENED A BOOK. After looking on the back cover for a description of an environmental book, I wanted to see what the writing quality was like... so I flipped open to a random page. The woman working was immediately in my face, closing the book while it was still in my hands. "Oh no honey, you don't want to do that. You see how that bends the pages back? Then it's not like new anymore and I can't sell it. Were you planning on buying this book?" I was stunned, as were my friends, and managed to stammer that I wasn't sure. "Well, if you look on the back cover, it usually has a pretty good description of what's inside." REALLY? Well, thank you Captain Obvious. I didn't even know what to say to that. It was like I never picked up a book before in my life. I just beelined back to the environmental shelf and put the book away, and began heading for the door, hoping my friends would follow suit. Gwen was flipping through an herb cookbook, and the woman went immediately over to her and did the exact same thing: "Did you hear what I just told that other girl? You don't need to open the book." Please make note, this cookbook was hardcover. And then: "Is this in your price range?" Gwen didn't know how to respond. It's not like she went into the store thinking "hey, I need an herb cookbook for under $15." Gwen just put the book on the shelf and we walked out. It wasn't until I was leaving that I noticed how most of the shelves were practically empty - the books were all turned to face cover-out, instead of spine-out, so they wouldn't look so barren. I really wanted to go back into the store and tell the woman what I thought about the whole ordeal, but didn't know how to do so in a way that wouldn't be blatantly rude.

Later, when relating this to another college friend, Anna, who lives in Roanoke, she shared the exact same experience! Only, to make matters worse, not only did Anna open a book, she also had the audacity to sit down in one of the chairs to look through it in further detail. The woman told her not to do that - that if she wanted to just sit and read, she should go to Barnes & Noble. (It might be helpful to note here that Anna was 8 months pregnant at the time, so sitting in one of the provided chairs seemed like a very good idea).

Anyway, I was just really disappointed in the downfall of my favorite bookstore. I'm still toying with the idea of writing a letter, but I'm not sure. If letters follow the same rules as books, it might never be opened. After all, all you need to know can be found on the outside, right?

Goodbye, Cantos.

What I Do

I know it's been forever since I've written. But hopefully this will help explain what I've been up to besides blogging. Last week, I was asked to give a talk at the annual fundraising banquet for Black Rock. I was asked to talk a little bit about Outdoor Education at Black Rock so the donors who attend the banquet could better understand what types of program they'd be supporting. As I was preparing to speak in front of a couple hundred stoic wealthy elderly Mennonites, it occurred to me that whenever I mentioned Outdoor Ed, a lot of people still have no idea what exactly that means. So I wanted to share my talk here, so better explain why I've been under a rock these last three months running this program:-) So, here it is!

Good evening. I am one of the new faces around Black Rock, as I started working here this past June as the Outdoor Education Director. With a background in camp ministry, I basically “fell into” Outdoor Education without having a very clear idea of what to expect – I was just looking for a way to work summer camp all year long. Once I started teaching, I quickly realized that the field of outdoor education was where I was going to spend the rest of my career. However, over the last few years, I’ve discovered that very few people actually know what “Outdoor Education” is. When I try to explain to other people what it is – exactly - that we in outdoor education do, it ends up being translated along the lines of “Oh, so you get to play with kids in the woods all day.” This is partially true, but it’s a little more in-depth than that.

Broken down, most outdoor education programs are designed to be field trip experiences for schools, varying in length from one to three days, and include classes and activities that promote hands-on learning. Classes cover the spectrum of environmental science, as well as outdoor living skills such as canoeing, fire building, and so on. Most outdoor education programs incorporate a ropes course experience for the students as well. All of these activities are designed to supplement what the students are learning in their classrooms by providing hands-on, experiential opportunities for them to be able to get out and really explore the outdoors.

But outdoor education is so much more than this. In a video game controlled world, outdoor education provides an opportunity for children to not only explore their natural surroundings, but also to discover more about themselves. Instead of staring at a television screen, children are exposed to a world without walls and without limitations to their curiosity. I’ve seen students come to outdoor education programs who are diagnosed with severe ADHD – to the extent that they have to wear patches to control their hyperactivity, and their teachers send warnings about how hard these students are to manage – and the moment these students get outside and participate in hands-on classes, they are able to focus on what is being taught and excel in the outdoor classroom. For these students, who struggle with self-esteem, whose grades are suffering, outdoor education provides an opportunity to surpass expectations. Even students that already excel in the classroom develop a greater sense of self during their outdoor education experience. Whether they are being challenged on the ropes course, or studying critters in the creek, these students are given an opportunity to get out of virtual reality and get into God’s reality.

After a few years of teaching Outdoor Ed through other programs, I knew, for me, something was missing. I loved teaching hands-on science classes, but most outdoor education programs do not allow discussion of God as the Creator of the science we are teaching about. That’s when I found Black Rock, a program truly unique in both its exceptional educational value but also in its strong spiritual emphasis; whose motto is to teach about the Creator through His creation. Children that come to any program at Black Rock – whether it’s summer camp, a day on the ropes course, or outdoor education – are exposed to God’s love through the actions of our staff as well as the components of the activities. In outdoor education, we utilize our 100 wooded acres as our classroom, teaching students about the plants and animals that live there, as well as studying weather patterns, rock formations, creek life, and the nighttime sky. With over 30 different classes for the schools to choose from, we provide a diverse educational experience rooted in Biblical truths. Every component of nature is tied back into the Creator, and what He does for us. For example, when students are learning about how God provides diverse habitats for animals, they are also learning about God’s promise to always provide for us, and exploring the different ways in which He does so. While learning about orienteering and how to use a compass, the students are also exploring the direction God provides for us through His word. In addition, we hold devotions times each day, where we worship God openly and freely, and study the nature of God. From devotions to meals to classes to games, the children that come to our OE program are exposed to God in a new and exciting way.

Many of the students that come to our program already have a relationship with our Creator. Devotions, followed by cabin discussion times each evening allow for them to delve further into their relationships. For many, this is the first time they realize that their commitment to Christ isn’t something they inherit from their parents, but a decision they must make for themselves. At the end of every week, when students are asked about how their relationship with God has changed during their time at Black Rock, an overwhelming majority indicate that they have grown closer to God in the three short days on our property. Some students make the commitment to rededicate their lives to Christ.

Not every child who comes to our Outdoor Education program is a Christian. We view this as a golden opportunity to share God’s love with children who might not otherwise hear the good news. One student in particular stands out. She was a fifth grade student named Sabrina who attended outdoor education in September of this year. She, like all too many children nowadays, came from a rough home life. She had never been in any type of school before this year. Her cousin took her in as a foster child and enrolled her at the local Christian school. Sabrina struggled with the transition; while she made friends easily, she had never heard of God before, except as a curse word. Her teachers were confident that her time at Black Rock would be a great time of growth and learning. During the first night’s devotions, Sabrina was withdrawn and quiet. She contributed little to the discussion, and cried herself to sleep. She didn’t understand the joy and love that her classmates kept talking about. But over the next three days, God began to work in her heart. Sabrina began to listen intently during devotion times, and she started asking questions of her teachers and friends. She began to understand that she was created by God, that this same God loves her, and has a purpose for her. God used her time at Black Rock – away from her past, away from the life she used to know – to plant the seeds that will hopefully continue to grow into a meaningful relationship with our Lord and Creator.

Outdoor Education at Black Rock Retreat is more than just an educational experience or fun field trip for the students who attend. Our program is designed for stories like these – and all of the untold stories -so we can make room for God to work in the lives of these children. Through our programs, activities, devotions, and personal interactions with the students, we truly seek opportunities to challenge and encourage the students in their relationship with our Creator. This is what Black Rock Outdoor Education is – while it’s much shorter to simply say “I get to play with kids in the woods all day,” the truth is that Outdoor Education opens the door so we can know Christ and make Him known.

Our staff works hard to provide these opportunities to the students, but we can always use extra assistance. We would appreciate your prayers for our ministry. We have two weeks left of our fall season, and 135 students who will be attending in that time. Prayer is always our biggest support; please partner with us in prayer as we minister to these students this fall and as we prepare for a busy spring season! And, on behalf of the Outdoor Education staff, I want to thank you in advance for your prayers and encouragement. I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening.

Sea Glass

I've always loved finding sea glass. As a child, my mother used to keep a jar of it on the windowsill, and I would take them out and sort them by colors, admiring their frosty appearance and smooth edges. The whole idea of sea glass always fascinated me - broken pieces of bottles tossed and smoothed by the water, creating small fragments of art.

A few weeks ago, I went up to Ithaca, NY to visit D. The camp where he has spent the last few summers working is located right on the Finger Lakes - a perfect place to find sea glass. It's literally all over the place - as long as you're willing to look amongst all of the smooth rocks and fairy stones. It's become a bit of an addiction for me, whenever I visit. I like to walk along the rocky shore, hearing the crunch of the tiny stones and shells beneath my footsteps, and scour the coastline for tiny bits of colored glass. Sometimes D joins me in this endeavor, and we now have quite the collection of white, blue, purple, and green pieces.

It was on my most recent visit that I found myself spending quite a bit of solitary time walking along the edge of the lake. D was sick, resting in his cabin, and I was wandering to clear my head. Loving a man who is so frequently sick has definitely changed my perspective on life and love. I've been learning more about servant love through this whole experience (something that does not come naturally for me), and have been surprised by the peace that God brings to me through this experience. Not to imply in any way that I am joyful because D is sick, but having the opportunity to help him and serve him while he is in need has pushed me into a role I never thought I would be able to play well. I've always been rather self-serving, both in my relationship with others and my relationship with God. But trying to support D during his sickness has shown me what it really means to love - not the butterflies and giddiness that I still feel whenever he looks at me - but the solid, servant love that God requires of us. And it has shown me how God could take someone like me, with my horrible bed-side manor, and put me into a situation that, while difficult, has forced me to change some of that selfishness. I am still not sure why D has to suffer the way he has - I know I'll never fully understand God's plan - but what God has done in my life (and in D's) because of this has proven to me his faithfulness. Good things can come out of bad things. God has forced me to be more loving and more giving than I have ever been before, and from that both D and myself have grown closer to knowing the nature of God. What a blessing! While I am still unsteady at times, especially as the possibility of surgery for D looms closer, I know that I just have to put my fears and worries into His hands, because He can make anything good and it will all work for His glory!

So these are the things that were going through my head while searching for sea glass along the lake. To be completely honest, there was some anger, as well - the selfish part of me re-emerging, upset about the interruption of "our" plans, both for the weekend and for our lives, because of this sickness. But I sat in the warm afternoon sun holding a large piece of blue sea glass - my favorite -and started thinking about the nature of God. Who is God, and what can He do?

I think we can learn a lot about God's works from examining sea glass. In its original form, it is really just a broken piece of glass - probably clear or brown to begin with, but trash nonetheless. Sharp, pointed edges that easily cut, essentially useless to anyone and quite possibly dangerous of not handled properly. But overtime, in the currents of the water, the edges of the glass are smoothed out. The colors transform - clear into a frosty white, brown softens into a chocolate shade. The longer the glass is in the water, the smoother the edges become. The longer it sits on the shore, the color changes. Clear turns to white, which eventually turns to a delicate light blue. Brown eventually softens into a hazy sunset purple. From ugly pieces of trash come beautiful fragments that are collected and cherished - no longer hazzardous or useless, but now admired.

The thing that struck me most when thinking about the journey of sea glass is that no matter how beautiful it becomes, it will never become "complete" again. An entire bottle thrown into the sea shows no such weathering or changes. The glass must first be broken to become beautiful. Psalm 51:17 tells us that "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." Directly above that is one of my favorite verses - 51:10: "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." This is exactly what God does with us when we are broken. When we are used up, useless, troubled, scared, and uncertain - God can use that if we let Him. Just like the sea glass tossed among the waves, the more we allow God to use our brokenness, the more beautiful He can make us. We are His works of art, used to glorify Him, as long as we allow Him the control to do this. Even when everything in our lives starts to feel "complete" again - we must remember to approach God from this spirit of brokenness to allow for His glory and grace. So while I'm struggling with the "why's" and "what for's" of D's sickness, and questioning how God can be glorified through such pain, I am trying to remember that we must first be broken to be blessed and transformed. And, just like the sea glass, the longer we trust in God, the more beautiful He will make us.

Wedding Insanity?

Recently, I got to witness the lead-up weeks to my roommate's much-awaited wedding. It made me want to elope.

No, seriously. At first it was fun stuff - finding the right hair accessory, or selecting ceremony music. But towards the end it just became pure stress. She didn't get a chance to enjoy her rehearsal dinner because she was so stressed with honeymoon packing and vow-writing that still had to be done. Thankfully, once the ceremony started she was able to relax and enjoy it. And she said she didn't regret any of the stress because the day went wonderfully.

I realize I'm a bit of a wedding novice, and I'm not trying to say there's anything wrong with the route my roommate took for her wedding, but I think there HAS to be a way to do this without all the stress. In just the few months of planning we've done, I've definitely had stressful moments - mostly relating to guest list and catering options. And it's been tough negotiating between what I want, want my fiance wants, and want both sets of parents want (which, honestly, drastically differs!) But when I look at the last-minute stress that my roommate went through, I think - there has to be a way to avoid it! Maybe not all of it, as staying within a budget alone can be stressful, let alone trying to figure out how to tell that girl you met at a party for a friend last year that is randomly your facebook friend because you like to read the same kind of books that she's not invited. But all the little things - decorations and favors and all that stuff. Obviously it's probably a good idea to have all these things, but how can it be done in a way that's not stressful? (If anyone knows the answer to this, I'm taking notes!) For me, the strategy has come by reminding myself constantly that I am preparing - not for a big party where I get to wear a white dress - but for a marriage, a lifetime commitment to the man I love. When I start to fret about wedding details, I tend to pull out "A Wife After God's Own Heart" - a book my sister got me for an engagement present. It's reading this (and any other Christian wife "manual" of sorts) that put me back into focus. Yes, the wedding day is special, and it's a big day. And I'm incredibly excited about it! But what I'm excited for most is after the party, when D and I get to live under the same roof. When I get to actually call him my husband, and when I get to be his wife! So with all the stress out there associated with weddings, I'm trying to stay focused on being a good wife, not just a well-organized bride. Because in the long run, it doesn't matter how the wedding turns out - as long as we're married in the eyes of God, it matters what the rest of our lives are like!

Alas, (I love using that word) - it's still hard to avoid wedding stress. I wonder when they become such extravagent affairs! Where food has to be laid out so it's eye-catching and beautiful (not just tasty), flowers have to adorn every surface of the ceremony site, cakes cost hundreds of dollars - seriously, how is going into massive debt for one day a good example of how to spend the rest of our lives together? And okay, I'm mostly just writing this as a reminder for myself - because it's true, we won't be able to pay for all of the wedding upfront. But we're not spending thousands of dollars over our income (or, really, thousands of dollars at all) to do this! And I refuse to be stressed about silly little details up until the last moment! I want to enjoy this process, to learn to work together effectively with my fiance and my future in-laws. I want to be able to look back at my engagement time and think "yes, I am glad I took advantage of that time to learn about being a wife" instead of looking back and thinking "man, we sure threw a great party there..." I think the most stressful thing at this moment is that not everyone agrees on our laid-back approach to wedding planning - where friends & family are doing most of the work (food, music, photography, etc.) Trying to convince others that it's okay if not everything is perfect is stressful - and odd, since I thought it would be me that needs to reassuring (and sometimes it is...) But I'm trying to work through it as best as I can, and take this time just to enjoy being engaged and planning a life together with D. I realize this post has absolutely no cohesion, but these are things I've been thinking about for a while and can't quite organize my thoughts yet... The point is, weddings themselves have become idols - the insanity that surrounds them overwhelming! I had to stop reading wedding magazines or books because what's "expected" is so over-the-top! To me, it's not worth it... even if I do have my moments of stress and slight insanity, I'm just praying that I can focus on the goal (beginning a life with the man I love) rather than the party. I don't want to be like my roommate, so I'm making a commitment now to avoid all of that craziness and just deal with things as they come... Hopefully that will work! We'll see.... ;-)

Joel's Bike Ride Adventure

Memorial Day weekend in Atlanta, all of "the boys" - my dad, D, Michael, and my four oldest nephews - went to ride bikes in the park. Isaac & Ezra are old enough to ride alone, and D pushed Nathan in a stroller, while Michael taught Joel how to ride a "big boy" bike. D ran along behind and recorded the event, and then put together this little video clip to share. (Sorry for the shakiness, apparently running, pushing a jogging stroller, and videotaping all at the same time can be a little difficult!) Enjoy!

The Industrialization of Weddings

Less than a month after getting engaged (pictures to come!), I think I have become incredibly overwhelmed with all the planning involved in putting together a wedding! Granted, I have a whole year to plan, but D and I have been brainstorming and I really want to get things started so as to avoid as much "last-minute" stress as possible. And it's a good thing, I think, because in the last few weeks I have learned so much! After perusing a few wedding magazines and wedding planning books (D being incredibly patient while I sat for three hours in the wedding section of Barnes & Noble), it seems that most people spend all their engagement time preparing for the wedding itself, not for marriage! Fortunately, D and I wanted a longer engagement to prepare ourselves emotionally to be husband and wife, to work on all the little quirks that come up now and then, and we really want to use this time to sort out as much as possible. This will be very helpful as my brother-in-law, who is going to officiate the ceremony, wants to do pre-marital counseling with us. We're getting some books that bring up a lot of issues that come up in marriage, and D and I will answer the questions separately and then compare, to learn what kind of things we agree on and what we need to figure out. Michael will be helping us with this, which will be very cool since he's been married for over ten years (to an incredibly awesome woman, I might add). Also, Erin and Michael got us companion books - A Wife After God's Own Heart and A Husband After God's Own Heart, which we're going to read to prepare for the spiritual side of marriage. Anyway, this has nothing to do with the title of my post, but the point is that these are the main things I want to work on during the engagement period. But alas, a wedding must also be planned, and D and I are both rather excited by the prospect - as long as it doesn't consume all of our engagement time! It's been really fun brainstorming with him, but the other day I took on the one task that he cannot help me with: finding a wedding dress.

Now I'll be honest; I've wanted to try on wedding dresses since I was old enough to know what a wedding dress was. I've daydreamed about the "perfect" dress for years. So even though I have plenty of time to find "the one", I took advantage of a family gathering in Atlanta to have my mom and my sister (matron of honor) to accompany me to the bridal shop to try on dresses. I imagined looking through racks and racks of beautiful gowns at a leisurely pace, trying on some beautiful dresses and also one or two silly, puffy ones for fun photo ops. But when I walked into the store, it was not at all like I imagined. First I had to register and give up all the information about my wedding and every detail of my life. Then I had to select the dresses in a timely manner so I could meet with my consultant. We looked through the racks in my size - all the dresses sealed in plastic bags, making it difficult to actually gauge the quality or appearance of the dress - and picked out 12 to try on. Then we were informed that we could only try on three at the moment, because that's all that would fit in the dressing room. We brought all of them with us, anyway, and after waiting around for our consultant (and being reminded several times by the employees that it's easier to make an appointment first), I got to try on the first of my dresses.

It was a whirlwind of activity, trying on dresses, with my consultant running around to pick out the perfect veil, bra, hair clip, etc. to try to sell me more. Instead of standing and gazing in a mirror for a few minutes to determine if I liked it, I was asked immediately if that was "it" or not, and I felt very rushed. Not to mention, crowded. Many other brides-to-be shared the dressing rooms around me, and while I liked trying on pretty dresses, I hated the "stock" feel of the entire experience. It wasn't at all the "special" experience that I envisioned, with random people wandering by and children running through while I'm trying to decide on the "perfect" dress. My consultant and several others said all the "right" things to say to a bride-to-be, playing on emotions, suggesting alterations to be made and accessories to add, etc. But it felt very commercial, and very unlike the style D & I are striving for with our wedding. Even when I found the dress that I thought could be "the one," I wasn't entirely comfortable with it. Fortunately, I had made a decision to not buy a dress at all, just to browse, and this was especially helpful after I looked at the price tags! And then it all just hit me at once - this is a business, and industry - not the special, once-in-a-lifetime experience I had been hoping for. And reflecting on all the magazines and books I've seen, it's all the same thing. Nothing seems to be standing out, from bridesmaid dresses to favors to invitations - it all seems so commercial and so unlike the personality that D and I envisioned. I left just feeling overwhelmed, and the entire "wedding" idea became every energy-sucking.

Then a fantastic thing happened - my mom offered to make my wedding dress! I had been afraid to ask because I didn't want to stress her out, but she really wanted to do it and it would be absolutely perfect for the theme of the wedding! I guess I should explain, D and I really want a wedding that highlights our friends and family, so the idea is to have them be involved as much as possible. Having strangers contribute seems a little strange to both of us, even though we know there will be times when that's necessary, but we want to involve and honor everyone we love. And the wedding dress should be no exception! My mom is excellent at sewing, and made the majority of my formal dresses for proms & homecomings in high school. So we went to JoAnn's, picked out a pattern, and bought some scrap fabric to make a sample dress out of. Basically the idea is to re-create the $600 dress I saw at the bridal shop and loved for MUCH less, and make it more tailored to my style. This way I can get the exact fabric that I want, the exact style, and it is made specifically for my body! I'm really excited about it. My mom has also offered to make the bridesmaid dresses, which I'm really starting to like as well. I've already found some cute patterns that would be perfect and (hopefully) flattering for my three favorite ladies!

Anyway, this is long and rambling, but the point is that I was really overwhelmed with the whole commercial feel of weddings and the impersonal feel of it all. I am completely amazed by all the options, and at the price of it all! Fortunately, I have an awesome fiance who is keeping me grounded, reminding me of our vision (so I don't end up with a puffy Cinderella dress and getting married in a grand ballroom because I've gotten so carried away!). He is incredibly helpful. I am also blessed with a great family who is supporting me in this whole process, offering their skills, talents, and suggestions, and it's making it a lot more enjoyable and a lot less overwhelming! Thank God for all of this, because I strongly believe that the wedding, while important, shouldn't be the all-consuming focal point, and I really need people to remind me of that as I get bombarded with all these crazy advertisements and magazines and all that insanity!

Something that makes me smile

A few weeks ago while visiting my sister, I played a game with Nathan - hiding the ping pong balls around the room. But he had a hard time keeping his eyes closed, as you can probably tell... I watch this every time I need a pick-me-up, so I thought I'd share :-) Sorry that it's sideways... I still don't know how to fix that.

April Post - Finally!

I've just realized it's been about a month since I've written here; work has been incredibly busy and it seems like everything has become a lot more hectic this last month. I've had ideas of things I wanted to write in my head, but no chance to actually write them out. At this exact moment, I find myself unsure of what to write. I'm feeling very stressed, and am trying hard to pray and be confident that there's a plan for me and I will discover it soon, but it's definitely been difficult. I've been looking for jobs, but am having a hard time discerning what my next step should be. I'm looking for full-time work, but am starting to look into the idea of just moving somewhere and finding a job to support myself until I can find something more permanent. Since currently I know six other people with my same skill set who are also looking for jobs, and none of them have had any success, I'm finding it difficult to be optimistic about the possibilities, but we'll see. I just had a good talk with my friend Jenn, who has been a huge support to me this season, and even though she's in the same position I am, she is still maintaining a great attitude about it. So it's definitely been helpful to have her here!

I've been struggling with several different things this season. Some of them are personal/health related, so I won't really go into too much detail here, but a lot of them have been work related. I'm having a very difficult time this season, for several reasons, most of them aren't actually work issues but more interpersonal issues. But I finally realized, after much thought about what's going wrong and why I feel so alienated, that God is working to refine me. I was trying to figure out a way to help some other people but was failing miserably, and then it occurred to me - maybe the plan for me to be here now is not entirely because I'm supposed to help others (although, obviously, that's something that I would like to try to do regardless), but because God wanted to teach me some things about who I really am. It's been eye-opening and somewhat disconcerting, but I'm hoping that I'm learning what I'm supposed to be learning. It definitely has not been easy, and I would really like to move on come May (when my contract is up), but I guess I'll just have to see what happens.

There have been some really positive things happening. The green is finally out, and camp is gorgeous! The weather has been absolutely fantastic - perhaps a little warmer than usual, but the sunshine is still just as nice - so working outside is now a lot easier. I know it doesn't seem like much, but when 14 hours of your day are spent outside, it's nice to finally not have any rain or tornado warnings! So yay for that!

I'm sure I had more to write, but I'm still a bit scattered and still a bit stressed, so I am going to stop here and compose my thoughts. Hopefully my next post will be slightly more cohesive!

Thoughts on Parenting

Clearly, I am not an expert on this subject. However, working with a new group of kids every three or four days, I feel like I get an unusual insight into the way that parents can influence or affect their children in ways they don't even realize. This was compounded by a group we had come in last weekend. Normally, schools bring students and there are a few parent chaperones that come to supervise cabin time, and this is definitely an interesting amalgamation of parent/child relationships just from a few parents coming on the trip. Last weekend, however, we had a Cub Scout group from Atlanta come in for three days. Cub Scout regulations stipulate that there has to be a 1:1 ratio on trips, so every child had at least one parent accompany them on the trip. This drastically changed the dynamics of our program, as normally we teach to the children and the adults observe. However, with so many adults, they seemed to forget that the program was for the children, and instead took the initiative to protect their children from almost every possible learning/growing experience we offer. A few examples include:

*The mother who interrupted one of our teachers in the middle of the class to tell her that she was incorrect. I've encountered situations before where parents might mutter something towards the back of the group if they believe the information we're teaching is incorrect (my favorite example: the dad who was completely convinced that eagles don't eat fish), or where they approach the teacher at the end of class to point out an error. However, the lessons we teach aren't just made up off the top of our heads, and are verified through a wide variety of sources and are heavily researched. But what has never happened is a parent just shouting out in the middle of class "That's wrong!" First, the information was accurate, and second, I can't even imagine the audacity of correcting someone in the middle of teaching. Perhaps asking a question about the discrepency would be more appropriate, but outright correcting a teacher in the middle of class is incredibly rude and disrespectful, plus completely undermines the "authority" of the teacher. More importantly, what is this teaching this parent's children? Absolutely nothing about respect, for one. I'm imagining a situation where these children get to college, disagree with something a professor says, and attempt to correct what the professor says in the middle of class.

*The mother who was "dismayed" to find that we have styrofoam cups in the dining hall for hot chocolate and coffee. We also have glass mugs for use in the DH, but if someone wants to leave, there are styrofoam available. This is not at all something that the NC staff condone, and we all have our own travel mugs that we keep nearby so we don't have to use the styrofoam. When one of our teachers was cornered by this mother about this issue, she gave her a very clear and appropriate answer, explaining the situation in a very eloquent way (unfortunately, there are some situations we can't control on the business-end). The mother insisted that we were sending her child mixed messages, and when our staff explained the situation again, and then suggested that the mother write a comment about it on the evaluation to hopefully inspire change amongst the higher-ups who actually do make these decisions, the mother responded rudely. Then she proceeded to go around to all the other parents and complain to them, trying to get them on her side. Even after her questions were answered and she was directed to a route that will create change, she still went around stirring up trouble instead of actually taking action. Again, what is that teaching her child?

*Coddling! Now I definitely think that there are times when children need protecting, and it's their parents' job to do so. However, the coddling I witnessed was incredibly excessive! I worked with a group of third-grade students, all about 9 years old. I took these Cub Scouts to Split Rock, a fun rock exploration area where the children get to climb through a crack in the rock all by themselves. I figured with Cub Scouts, who are supposed to be learning outdoor skills, this would be a really fun experience for them to push themselves and try something completely new. To get out of Split Rock, the children have to turn on their backs, grab my wrists, and trust me to hold them while they walk up and climb on top of a rock. For the children who can overcome the fear of the dark and tight space inside the rock (most do!), this is the most challenging part - trusting me, and climbing out of the rock "on their own." Because they are coming out at a height, we always have a "spotter" just in case - someone on the ground making sure that, in the event of a fall, the children's heads and necks would be supported and not hit the ground. The spotter does not actually touch the children unless they slip in some way. The woman I had spot for the kids didn't quite understand this concept. The moment the kids' heads were in view, she reached in and put her hands around them so they wouldn't bump it on any of the rock around them. She kept her hands on them, supporting them as they rolled over on their back (something that they are quite capable of doing on their own), and then, as I grabbed their wrists, she grabbed their waists and pulled them up and out. The Scouts had very little opportunity to challenge themselves. My boss likened it to walking up a hill vs. someone carrying you up the hill. It was somewhat disheartening to see these children coddled so much - when I worked with them alone, they were very high-functioning; but with their parents around, it was like they were crippled. I just kept thinking about my nephews, and how last year at the ages of 7, 5, and 3, they were able to go through without very much assistance at all. I wonder at what time the children will be able to actually experience things for themselves. Everything they had was handed to them, and they weren't allowed to experience a challenge without someone holding their hand the entire time. Even for our pack-out lunch, where the students were supposed to assemble their own lunches, their parents did it for them. For the ones who did make their own, their parents made them put it back because they had already packed one and put it in their bags - even if the lunches contained exactly the same thing.

These are but a few examples that I witnessed in just three days. I sometimes wonder if some of these parents realize the examples they are setting for their children, both with their own actions and behavior and also in the way they treat their children. It also makes me reflect on positive parenting that I've witnessed. For example, my sister (now the mother of five young boys!) has always impressed me with the example she sets for her children. She is loving and protective, but still allows room for "boys to be boys." She sets an example with her behavior by being hard-working, nurturing, and loving. She is firm with discipline yet generous with affection, and I really admire the way she balances all of the different aspects of parenting. She is able to be protective without coddling, and is training the boys to be self-sufficient without being rebellious. Every time I visit my nephews I am impressed with how much they have grown in such short periods of time; I am always amazed at how much they are turning into awesome young men. They are boys not afraid of a challenge, who are respectful, and who are unafraid to love and be loved. And while they spend most of their day with their mother, they are not "mama's-boys" and spoiled or coddled to the point of being infantalized. They are strong, brave, and ambitious, and while I know no parent is perfect, I really admire my sister and her husband for the way they are raising their children.

Obviously, the parenting I am most familiar with is my experience with my own parents. The other day a friend remarked about how she was absolutely amazed that her parents were able to raise her without it ending in some sort of neurosis or mal-adjustment or some other sort of issue. Not, she said, because there was anything wrong with her parents, but because parenting is such a difficult job and there are so many tiny ways to scar children nowadays. I've never really thought about it like that before, but I do know that even though, again, no parent is perfect, I have a lot of respect for the way my parents raised me. They always encouraged me to try new things, to be adventurous, to find joy, and to experience love. Never during my childhood did I feel abandoned or unloved, and I was always supported in my decisions and encouraged to branch out of my comfort zone. They constantly exposed me to new experiences, while still providing a foundation of love and support. They always set a positive example for me in so many different ways - not just in the way they interacted with others and handled various situations, but also in their commitment to family, to myself and to my sister, and to each other. I feel so incredibly blessed to have the family that I do, and to have made it into adulthood still having a strong, loving support base in my family. I don't thank my parents often enough for what they've done for me, but I hope that I show them. And I sincerely hope that more children could experience the kind of childhood that I had, with the appropriate levels of support and love, mixed with adventure and independence.

Anniversary Pics!

A few weeks ago, D and I hit the one-year mark. We actually ditched the dirty jeans and camp t-shirts and put on "real" clothes for dinner out. These pictures were taken by my roommate Leigh for posterity (to prove that yes, in fact, we sometimes do take showers and try to look like adults!) They're outside my cabin, and if you look in some you can see my awesome wooden windchimes that my mom got for me - definitely one of my favorite accessories :-)

Drug 'em Up

This is my rant against over-medication of children. This last week, a public school came in with 44 students, over half of whom were on some pretty hefty medications. The ailments ranged from ADD to Autism, Hypochondria to Tourette's, and many other unnamed disorders. Now, I am not trying to imply that these ailments don't actually exist (I have worked with quite a few students with Autism/Asperberger's and Tourtette's), I am wondering about the medications some of these children are given. One child was on a heavy mood-altering medication in such high doses that he was barely functional. He was a severe hypochondriac, constantly in pain, lacked any semblance of social skills, and was always maltempered. One day he was lying on a bench crying, and I leaned down to put a hand on his shoulder to ask if he was okay and he pulled away from me like I was about to stab him. I spoke to his teachers about it and they just said it was his medication, and he works himself into these funks and there's not anything anyone can really do about it. This child is eleven years old! How is he supposed to function in society as an adult? Now obviously I don't know his case history, but what can be so severely wrong with a child that he needs extremely high doses of mood-altering substances that leave him completely incapable of functioning?

Another child struck my heart particularly hard. I don't know what exactly he is diagnosed with, but he had to wear patches that constantly streamed mood-altering drugs into his body. He was in several of my classes, and did well in both of them. The only difference I noticed in him was in his communication skills. For example, he took my "I'll Fly Away" class, where I teach about various forces that affect flying airplanes (drag, thrust, gravity, lift, etc.) and Bernoulli's Principle (probably spelled wrong), and then we make paper airplanes. Every child was able to design their own paper airplane, although for those who have never done it I do teach a very basic design. This student was the only one who made a completely original airplane without looking at a book or at my demonstration. (This design is similar I've seen others do, so he might have already learned it, but it was incredibly complex and difficult to remember, so even that shows he has a decent level of intelligence). When it came time to fly the airplanes, one of the other boys in the class looked at the design and insisted it wouldn't fly. I encouraged the student and let him know that I thought it was a very creative design and I've seen others similar that flew very well, but he had already shut down. Everyone was supposed to come up with a name and a purpose for their plane, and this student could not tell me the name or the purpose, and just stood there staring blankly at his airplane. So there were clearly some issues in his head, but it mostly seemed to be a self-esteem issue instead of a psychotic episode (I realize I'm not a therapist and I only knew this child three days, so I apologize if my observations seem amateur). He also took my fire class, and constantly raised his hand to volunteer answers about what fire needs, what kind of structures you can use, and was even able to comprehend and contribute the concept of fire being a conversation of chemical energy into thermal energy (none of the children got this, but this student understood it rather well). Later that day, however, he had a very difficult time filling out the evaluation for the program until I sat next to him. I walked him through the first steps, thinking perhaps he had a learning disability, but he could read and write and understand things just fine. He just didn't start until I asked him specifically to do so. I'm wondering if the patches he wears have created this issue, or if it was prevalent beforehand. His teachers told me that his mom and his therapist are currently trying to decide if he should be institutionalized. A ten year old! In a mental hospital! A creative, intelligent little boy being sent away from home... the idea of it just astounds me. The teachers from the school even admitted to me that many of the parents don't want to deal with their children's various issues and just drug them up and keep them sedated. How is a child ever supposed to develop a personality, develop quality relationships, or transition into adulthood while on substantial amounts of sedatives?

These are only two examples, but to paint a better picture of the amount of medication and various issues these students had, one of the most well-functioning students in the entire group was autistic. And he did really well with everything - comparatively - with only a few modifications needed (more constant instruction, more hands-on work, etc.) What is happening in the parenting/pediatric society that so many children need intense medications? Are there alternatives? I tend to find that students diagnosed with severe ADHD and other attention/behavior issues, who have difficulty in the classroom, excel dramatically during their time in our program. I won't get into my whole nature-deficiency/video game & tv over-stimuli theory, but if even just a few days being active out in the woods can help a child learn and focus better, perhaps we should start getting a little more creative about the way we look at children's issues. I realize, not being a parent, I don't have a full comprehension of what it's like to raise a children who struggles in certain areas. However, as an teacher, I think there's hope for these children if we just get a little more creative, reassess their needs, and stop doping them up just to get them out of our hair.

There, rant over.

Cleaning without chemicals

I have to admit, I've become a bit of a "groupie." I purchased a book a few weeks about various ways to "go green," and have read it through several times now. The author of the book keeps a blog (http://eco-chick.com) that is definitely interesting (although I pick and choose which articles I read, as there are definitely quite a few that aren't feasible or applicable to my life), but her book (The Eco-Chick's Guide to Life) has practical, everyday solutions to pretty much everything. Not taking into consideration the extreme side-effects of reading this book (wanting to throw away all my shampoo because it's going to give me cancer, wanting to get rid of my bed frame because it's going to give me cancer, wanting to get rid of all my jeans because they're made under inhumane conditions and will give me cancer... you get the idea), I've definitely learned a lot that I thought would be fun to share.

First off, in the wonderful way the world works, it turns out what's best for the environment is also what's best for our health, AND will save us money. It's a win-win-win. So you don't have to be an "environmentalist" or a "tree-hugging hippie" or anything like that to help clean up the earth. You can find the motivation just by learning about what's healthiest for you and your family (and what's going to save you money during this little economic situation we're in).

One of the things that I think is really important to share is about household cleaning products. We all use them (some of us more than others), and yet the majority of these products not only pollute our air (with VOC's - volatile organic compounds) and water (when you wash them away), but they also contain harmful chemicals that are known carcinogens. The average household has about a 50 parts per billion (ppb) rating of VOC's - which pollute the air and hurt our bodies. However, it's been determined that there is a "safe" (let's use that term loosely) level of VOC's, and the average home falls below that level. Try to read the air quality under the sink, where most cleaning solutions are stored, and that number shoots above the "safe" limit. Even just opening a container of bleach wipes sends the VOC levels sky-high (I apologize for not remembering the exact numbers, but they're staggering). Granted, most of us don't spend all day sniffing our Clorox or sticking our heads under the sink, but think about long-term exposure. Even if you pull out your bleach wipes twice a month to clean off the kitchen counters, that's 24 times a year, multiplied by the number of years you live (which could be considerably shorter thanks to these chemicals), and you get the idea. Hazardous materials are stubborn, too - they stick around and build up with every exposure. However, it's not all doom-and-gloom. There are some really simple chemical-free cleaning solutions that contain no VOC's, are biodegradable (therefore not polluting our dwindling water supply), and will allow you and your family to live longer, healthier, clean lives. Oh yes, and they're incredibly simple to make and cheap to buy.

The major transition will probably disassociating the idea of "clean" with a scent. Most of these solutions don't have a scent (although you can add a few drops of essential oil if you feel that it can't be clean without smelling like pine trees or lemons), but they still clean just as effectively as the majority of chemical-laden products. (If this seems like too drastic a change, there are also some "mainstream" cleaning companies creating "green" lines that can be found in larger grocery stores, or you can search for all-natural cleaning supplies online - although neither option is as inexpensive as these mixtures below.) Here are a few helpful recipes for chemical-free cleaning products, courtesy of the Eco-Chick:

All-Purpose Cleaner (floors, toilets, walls, etc.)

*1 c. white vinegar

*1/2 c. baking soda

*1 gallon water

Mix well (I keep mine in a spray bottle for easy dispensing)

Countertop Spray

*Citrus cleaner like Citra-solv or Orange Glo

Dilute in water according to package instructions; shake before each use

Furniture Polish/Dusting Spray

*10-15 drops of essential oil (scents include lemon, orange, sandalwood, lavender, or whatever you like best)

*1 c. water

-Mix well. This is safe on electronic equipment with special cloths.

Window/Mirror Cleaner

*3 tsps. white vinegar

*Water

-Fill 16-18 oz. spray bottle with water & vinegar mixture. Use crumpled newspapers to clean for a streak-free shine :-)

Scrub for Kitchen & Bathroom Sinks, Tubs, & Tile

*Straight baking soda applied to area

*Optional: add liquid castile soap on top if desired

-Scrub, scrub, scrub! Then rinse, of course.

Some natural brands for your consideration, if this seems like too much work:

Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day (mrs.meyers.com) - available at Whole Foods

Method Home (methodhome.com) - available at Office Depot, Target, CVS, and Costco

Heather's Natural & Organic Cleaning Products (heathersnaturals.com)

For those pesky messes and problems, here are some natural solutions:

Microwave Gunk:

Mix 1 c. water & 2 c. vinegar in a bowl. Microwave on high for 2 minutes. This will loosen dried & crusty foods, making it easier to clean. You can add another minute on if needed.

Mildew:

*1/4 c. hydrogen peroxide

*1/2 c. water

*juice of 1/2 lemon

-Mix in spray bottle, spray on mold, wait 1 hour. Then scrub with a solution of baking soda & soap, then spray with water.

Stove Grease:

Make a paste with baking soda, vinegar, and water, apply, and let sit for 5 minutes before cleaning off.

Stuck Drain:

1) Plunge it! (Fill sink/tub/etc. with enough water to fill 1/2 the height of the plunger)

2) Remove drain stopper & pull out gunk - use an old wire hanger & go "fishing"

3) Pour 1/3 c. of baking soda down drain. Follow with 1/3 c. of vinegar. Follow with a kettle of boiling water. (And enjoy watching the volcano effect!)

If none of these work, before calling the plumber (goodbye paycheck) or buying incredibly hazardous drain-cleaners (goodbye fresh water supply), invest in a drain snake and do it yourself!

If anyone else has any other ideas for chemical-free cleaning or anything else, please let me know; I'd love to learn more!

Trees, Trees

I have spent the last two days cutting down trees, while simultaneously working on a project to enhance our "Tree Trek" class. So while I've been destroying ecosystems, I've also been learning about them. Quite an interesting dilemma. The reason for cutting down trees is actually incredibly ridiculous - one of the property owners on the mountain decided he wanted his view from his mountain-top house to be of the river down in the canyon, and of course there were pesky trees in the way. So he cut them all down. Unfortunately, the fallen trees landed directly across one of our most popular trails (called Billy Goat), so we had to head out with chainsaws and loppers to clear up the carnage. Quite a bit of a mess, and quite a lot of destruction, simply for a view from one particular window in your house. Today's tree cutting endeavor was less clean-up and did involve some Nature's Classroom-inflicted destruction; we had a large dead tree teetering over Split Rock, one of our most popular activity areas, so we had to cut it down. It took most of the day as the tree was not quite as eager to fall even though it was completely dead. After several interesting (and rather heart-stopping attempts), we finally managed to get the tree down. After counting the rings, I determined that it was about 70 years old. In trying to keep the area as "natural" as possible (while it was necessary to remove the hazzard of the dead tree), we cut the trunk up into several logs to make a sitting area. It's actually pretty nice, although it's always hard to justify disturbing nature in such a way. Anyway, in an homage to these destroyed trees, I've compiled some interesting tree facts thanks to my "research" to make our tree class better. I thought I'd share...

*In one year, an acre of trees can absorb as much carbon as is produced by a car driven up to 8,700 miles. (Which is scary when I think about how many miles I drive...)

*The average tree in a metropolitan area survives only about eight years.

*The death of one 70-year-old tree would return over 3 tons of carbon to the atmosphere.

*A tree does not reach its most productive stage of carbon storage for about ten years.

*The amount of oxygen produced by an acre of trees per year equals the amount consumed by 18 people annually. One tree produces nearly 260 pounds of oxygen each year.

*One acre of trees removes up to 2.6 tons of carbon dioxide each year.

There are over 23,000 different kinds of trees in the world. Trees help us by:

*keeping our air supply fresh by absorbing carbon dioxide and producing oxygen

*providing shelter and shade, reducing yearly heating and cooling costs by 2.1 billion dollars

*lowering air temperature by evaporating water in their leaves

*cutting down noise pollution by acting as sound barriers

*roots stabilize soil & prevent erosion

*improving water quality by slowing and filtering rain water as well as protecting aquifers and watersheds

*providing protection from downward fall of rain, sleet, & hail as well as reduce storm run-off and the possibility of flooding

*providing food and shelter for wildlife

*when located along streets, act as glare and reflection control

*shade trees can make buildings up to 20 degrees cooler in the summer

*lowering air temperature by evaporating water in their leaves

There's a lot more going on with trees than one would think! Trees also play a really interesting role in our history - check out the arbor day website (www.arborday.org/kids/teachingYouth.cfm) for some really interesting facts and games (geared towards kids, but still a pretty good resource). :-)

Gushing

The last few weeks have been incredibly emotional for a couple of reasons, but have also shown me something very valuable. This might be corny, but through the entire ordeal where my emotions have been random and almost out-of-control, D has been my side through it all. He's encouraged me to talk when I wanted to bottle things in, he let me snot all over his sweatshirt when I cried (I think there's a permanent stain on there now...), he helped me come up with practical solutions to issues, and also been supportive in my quest to relinquish control over circumstances that I have no right or manner to control. I've always thought we had a strong relationship, but the last two weeks have really shown me how much he cares for me, and what he's willing to do to show me this. Most recently this included attending Becca's funeral with me, even though it involved taking two days off of work (and thus not getting paid for those days) and wearing dress shoes (trust me, it was a bigger deal than one might think). And he hardly knew Becca - he met her briefly at her wedding last May. It really meant a lot to me to have him by my side; I definitely feel stronger when he's around and it was such a wonderful feeling to have that support. I'm used to being on my own a lot, so it's been a challenge for me to share my struggles with him, but he's been patient and understanding (while also pushing when needed). I don't know what's prompted me to write this, and I realize this is silly and girly, but I wanted to share it; it's such a new, different feeling for me, and I just feel so fortunate to have this time with him. I'm always interested in the reasons why God brings certain people into someone's life, and I am feeling really blessed to have him in mine. He's my best friend, and goes out of his way to show me how he feels. From large gestures like supporting me through tough times, to small gestures that happen every day, he is definitely amazing. Last night, for example, it got very cold. I only have two regular blankets with me, and my cabin doesn't have the best insulation. Fearing that I would be cold, he came over - across camp in the cold! - in the middle of the night with an extra blanket from his cabin, just to make sure I would be warm enough. (I was already asleep and didn't notice the cold until he came in, but when I woke up early this morning I was very thankful!) Anyway, I guess I just wanted to gush, so that's it. This guy rocks :-)

...

Sometimes there's no words to express certain feelings. On Monday evening, a friend and family member passed away suddenly. Becca was 27. I met her just over ten years ago at my sister's wedding - she is the little sister of my brother-in-law. While we are distantly related, I always felt like family around Becca. She was one of those people who was filled with joy and shared it with everyone she encountered. She always had a smile on her face, and filled the room with sunshine whenever she entered. I spent some time with Becca whenever I would visit my sister; infrequently, but enough time to really develop a deep respect and admiration for her positive, bright character. The last time I saw her was in May, at her wedding. I have never seen a more beautiful bride. Now, only nine months later, she is gone. There was an accident in her home and the doctors were unable to revive her. Even though I didn't see Becca very often, I feel this loss very deeply. I know that she is with the Lord, but her family is struggling. Any prayers would be greatly appreciated; my brother-in-law (who is like my own brother) and Becca's husband are having an especially difficult time.

My friend Brigette gave me a card last night because I was pretty upset. Inside was a package of letter stickers, and this story:

A little girl used to pray every night before bed. Her mother would listen
to her prayers before tucking her in. One night, the mother overheard her
daughter singing the alphabet instead of praying. She went into her daughter's
room and asked her why she was singing the ABC's. The little girl replied, "I
don't know what to say, so I thought if I just said all the letters, God would
put them into words for me."

This is how I feel right now; I don't have the right words to pray or to comfort or to express sympathy; but I hope that God knows my heart and is putting my unformed letters into the words He needs.